Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, May 4

Give it to the kid, mister

There is a growing movement at our local ballpark, and I wanted to share it with you. Apparently, when someone catches a foul ball at Coors Field, the crowd will yell "Give it to a kid". Awww, isn't that sweet? Let's do something for the youth, right? Give that kid a gift that will last a lifetime. Awww.

You might guess that I am not onboard with this. Not remotely. I have never caught a foul ball, but I seek to. Now, I am not going to go all Costanza on a kid and push him over to get one. But, if the ball comes to me, I am keeping it. Seriously. fuck the kid.

Friday Fives

My life would not be the same without this…

1. person:

easy, my most awesome wife. She is my best friend. I mean, you are great, but you are no her.

2. place:

Colorado. I love it here. I wish I wanted kids, so I could raise them here.

3. event:

college. College totally rocked. I learned so much, met my lifelong friends, met my wife, and partied like a dead rock star. I see many of my peers who didn't do college now taking classes to get a degree while working full time. It makes me sad to see. I mean, it is awesome that they are working to better themselves... but they missed the whole boat. Where is the constant and promiscuous sex? Where is the nightly unparalleled binge drinking? Where is the prankery? College rules!

4. self indulgence:

this, writing for you (and me).

5. Would you rather spend the day with The Founding Fathers or the casts of Cannonball Run 1 and 2.

the founding fathers. There are some urban myths that Ben Franklin was a lecherous bastard who also partied like a dead rock star. Plus, he invented almost everything.