Another holiday ruined

Hey all, I had some huge and wonderful zaniness set for today. As the leading writer of my generation (and by 'my generation' I mean people born March 22nd 1972), I knew you would come to me for your April Fool's goodness.

I had so much running though my head this morning. I was thinking about doing a big piece about coming out of the closet. Then, I thought about saying I was resigned the web site.

Anyhow, I have wisely dropped any such plans. Even though I am not remotely religious, I have to respect the fact that the holiest man on earth (in most folks eyes, anyhow. I am more a fan of Mandela) is about to pass on. This man (the Pope) is an amazing fighter and deserves to be respected and mourned. So, in honor of the Pope... and the fact that I used to be Catholic) there will be no April Fool's zaniness today.

I dare say that may have been the Pope's last wish. Good luck, mister Pope. If there is a heaven, I assure you it will be awaiting your arrival.

Friday Fives

1. Cholula? Tobasco? Tapatio? Bruce's? What is your favorite hot sauce and what do you like it served with?

I am not much of a hot sauce guy, though I love spicy food. I actually prefer everything possible to be smothered in Hatch green chilis.

2. Friends is over. ER is getting lame. Reality TV plagues the airwaves. What do you now consider "Must See TV?"

Mythbusters on Discovery (Wednesday nights) and Arrested Development on Fox (Sunday nights)

3. If you could be a ringer in the White House press room, what SOFTBALL question would you throw to Scott Mclellan.

are you kidding me? What f'm softball question hasn't been asked? This administration has NEVER been taken to task properly by the media. Just don't get me started, I think every one of them should be imprisoned for life. They are murderers, liars, and war profiteers. I told y'all I wasn't gonna spend my time pissing on the president. He won fair and square. but if you ask me point blank like this...

4. You know "they" are watching you. They watch at work, they watch you in traffic. They see you at the store. What is it they recently saw that has embarrassed you the most.

um... probably this (safe for work).

5. In light of, or rather, in honor of Teri and Michael S, of Pinellas Park, Fl, take a moment and craft a light haiku. (remember, the format is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.)

I think that the pope (5)
Should be a bigger concern (7)
than vegetable (5)

thanks as always to the wonderful and talented Roy for our questions this week.

Wonderful and talented (and young) comedian Mitch Hedberg just passed away. It is a loss. I put a little something up here, on our dead pool site. Rest in peace, Mitch.

How to spot evil

I think we need to look at a new paradigm for evil in this world. The lack of Democracy doesn't make someone evil. Also, the whole Weapons of Mass Destruction isn't a good qualifier either. Know why? Everybody has them, everybody. Know how we know? Cause we sold them to everyone.

So what makes for an evil empire? Well, I have a new litmus test... how you treat your sports heroes. You may remember that Hitler was unhappy with the great German boxer Max Schmelling's performance against Joe Lewis and so sent him to the Russian Front.

Perhaps you don't remember that, it was a while ago. More recently you probably heard about the torture chamber that Udai Hussein had build underneath his house specifically for the Iraqi Olympic soccer team because they lost. I think they were all killed off as well. Yup, that is pretty evil.

So today we have this news; the President of Mali (a small mom & pop country in Africa) publically freaked on his national soccer team... on national TV.

"All the consequences of the players' acts will backfire," Maiga said without elaborating on Monday, a day after the match and hours of street violence. Government spokesman Ousmane Thiam told them they were "a disappointment" and "did not perform to expectations"

Ouch! That stings! It reminds me of something like that which happened to me. Do you remember that time my dad yelled at me in front of the whole little league team? No? Boy, I sure do... and it stung. My therapist says it is one of the three pillars of sadness that formed my dis-associative personality problem. Now imagine the friggin' President going on TV to talk shit about you. I imagine it might go something like this:

A Message from the President of the United States of America Good evening, America. Thank you for letting me into your homes this evening. I have an urgent issue which I think all Americans need to know about and to hear it right from me. America, Donovan McNabb is a total pussy. Seriously, y'all... he laid down in that superbowl quicker than dictator in a spider hole. I want Donovan and his team to know they are no longer friends of America, and from now on we'll just root for Peyton Manning.

Yeah, that'd be pretty f'd up now wouldn't it?

I'm a dot commer now, baby!

I did it! After a year of hemming and hawing, I finally bought up the domain name 'I am correct.com' (which looks like this www.iamcorrect.com). Just between you and I, it will be the exact same site... just much easier to find. In the old days, you might have said "you must to go Lono's site. He is brilliant and handsome and quite possibly the future of eJournalism (just made that term up, pretty sweet huh!). His site is at I am correct dot blogspot dot com. No more of that, suckers! I am finally a major player on the international scene.

So, I just sit back here and watch the cash roll in, right? I think I should start the process by offering myself a very handsome stock deal. I used to worry that securing a URL like 'I am correct' would be a pretty petty and narcissistic thing to do. Plus, what if I wasn't right? I would be out there in print for the world to see. Fortunately, barring Bush getting elected, I haven't been wrong yet. So the way I see it, it is my moral obligation to share my vision with you.

So thank you for making this so much fun. Thanks for stopping in and reading. We'll talk again soon.

best regards,
Lono
CEO, CFO, Board of Directors, President, and IT support for I am Correct®