Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, August 5

Friday Fives

1. Given the circumstance that you would need to - how would you go about getting rid of the body?

Idaelly, by fire. However, there is no discreet way to handle that. Instead, line the garage with tarps thoroughly. Then, use a handheld Skillsaw (about $80 at your local Home Depot) and break the body into 6 inch pieces. Then, travel the state disposing of pieces in ziplock freezer bags. After which, clean the skillsaw in bleach and dispose of it in a river. As for the tarps, those you put in my ex-wife's trunk.

2. Have any turn on? (not necessarily sexual) In other words, to answer the question, what do you dig?

besides trucks (I just love trucks, must be a small dick thing)... I love true crime on TV. I watch at least 5 hours a week on true crime documentaries. Creepy, huh?

3. Are you related to anyone famous somewhere in your family tree?

Sure, Bobo. I am a very close friend and relative of America's finest photojournalist - Brendan McDermid. The man is like a god in the industry. Plus, if you have ever seen a sports picture attributed to Rueters... it was probably Bobo. I tell people I know Bobo to get laid. btw, it doesn't work.

4. Real world filter: I drove upon a really bad auto accident last night and it got me thinking. What is the grossest thing you have ever seen?

last fall, I was called out to a plane accident for the Red Cross. It was grizzly. A plane crashed about a mile before the runway because of engine troubles. Everyone on board died, and I was standing a few feet from the wreckage helping out however I could. It was very surreal, to say the least.

5. What is your favorite cover song and by what group?

Well, to address this properly... I have to reference my wonderful fried Jaime from Phoenix (who I grew up with). He has a policy that all covers songs are bad and should be gravely punished. That being said, I will have to go with a song that I didn't even know was a cover until about 10 years later. the Bangles did 'Hazy Shade of Winter' for a Robert Downey movie (I think it was 'Less that Zero'). Anyhow, the song is just terrific: it is well written, rockin', and sung by babes. Many years later I learned it was a Simon and Garfunkle song... which was weird because I have been listening to them for years. However, that is a pretty obscure track. So that is up there as a really great cover. The other cover that might be better than the original (and the original was epic) is Romeo & Juliet. It was done initially by Dire Straits but was covered with more intense passion than your brain can handle by the Indigo Girls on 'Rites of Passaage'.

thanks for your time, and thanks to Roy as always. Coming very soon, a treatise on the sociological implications of what a parking lot looks like at a Motley Crue concert.

No, seriously you guys, I am going to see the Crue and Red Rocks tomorrow, and this had got to provide some fertile material.

Monday, August 1

A open letter to Rockstar games

Dear Rockstar games, I recently had a troubling experience with a product of yours and wanted to bring it to your attention. For years now, my family and I play 'Vice City' on Tuesday nights. It's family thing, we order pizza and snuggle up to the big screen for some family bonding. Before this last weekend, we always had fun with your product. Me and my son Jeremy compete to see who can steal the most money from the hookers we beat, whereas my daughter Tamara is a straight up cop killer. The game might not be public school education, but here in Douglas County my kids need any kind of inner city simu (and stimu)lation. So imagine my horror when we were playing last weekend with my mother in law. She picked up a hooker at the bank she was robbing and was ordering 'hot coffee'. If you know Elanor, you know she loves an after dinner coffee.
big mistake
Turns out... hot coffee was a code for sex. Yeah, the 's' word. Believe it, right there on my own home television... a pixiliated nipple on a 2 inch character. My kids just started crying 'Why, Why, how does this serve the storyline?'. Astutely, Jeremy noted this was more of a distraction from the key plotpoints? Really, objectifying women does little to illustrate the illegimacy of corrupt police and the decaying moral fabric gently hinted at by the games designers." It breaks my heart to see a nice company such as yours sully the reputation of mafia hit men and whores with sex! This game was once a learning and development tool for the kids. Jeremy learned his first 'F' bomb from the game, and now he is just ashamed. I fear after this whole 'coffee-gate' scandal is over... my daughter might never have the courage to shoot an officer of the law again.