Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, May 4

Friday Fives

1. How do you picture your funeral? Is it important to have people on hand to mourn you?

I am thinking more of a big going away party, and yes I would like everyone there.

2. Is there anything anyone could have/should have told you that would have made your first sexual experience more rewarding?

not really. I wasn't terrific at it, but I got it done... so it was a monkey off my back. I think I am getting better though.

3. Can you go to the restroom in front of another person?

number 1, yes... number 2 no.

4. How do you react when people sing Happy Birthday to you in a restaurant?

I am really not a fan of that kind of annoying attention... no matter who is getting it. It makes me hate all those kitschy chain restuarants that have all the servers terrify a small child hopped up on sugar

5. If you had to spend a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person. Whom would you like to have with you?

my wife, but that is an obvious answer. I guess I would have to go with McGyver. See, he could build a plane and a heater and a gun out of snow and then we'd be fine.

Wednesday, May 3

Attention Parents

On the way home tonight from work, I heard a PSA from MGruff the crime dog. It was about bullying. He said your kid maybe getting bullied in school and you won't until it is too late. As you can imagine, I pulled off the road immediately and began to panic. Fortunately, there are warning signs if you teen is being bullied at school. Please read closely, this is serious stuff y'all:

> moodiness
> skipping school
> lying about school
> erratic sleeping patterns

Ok, focus. We know what to look for, thank god. However, you need to know your teen may be using drugs. He probably isn't, but look for these signs:

> moodiness
> skipping school
> lying about school
> erratic sleeping patterns

Ok, you are almost out of the woods. Problem is, kids at the teen level can suffer emotional trauma at things we easily look over. Being accepted is everything at that age, which is why you need to look for the signs of possible suicide:

> moodiness
> skipping school
> lying about school
> erratic sleeping patterns
> previous suicide attempts

If your child is still safe, thank the heavens and your diligence. Through your perceptiveness, you may have just saved your teen's life. One last thing, teens live an emotional and dramatic rollercoaster of an existance. As good scientists and sociologists we must wonder what doesa healthy teen act like? I did plenty of research. That being said, don't be too surprised to find any of these symptoms in a perfectly normal, healthy, and happy teen:

> moodiness
> skipping school
> lying about school
> erratic sleeping patterns

You're welcome!