Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, December 1

Friday Fives

1. How much time do you spend on the Internet daily?

all day at work, about an hour at home

2. What are your favorite 3 websites?

9news (Denver), Fark, and CNN.

3. Would you rather be machine-gunned to death with Lite-Brite pegs or be assassinated by Cabbage Patch Dolls?

Would have to go with the cabbage patch doll hit. I mean, that would be friggin' adorable.

4. Pick one and why - Reading the news online or in a newspaper? with the exception of the Sunday paper, I do all that reading online.

5. How many people are on your instant messenger buddy list?

instant messaging is the scourge of an enlightened society. LOL, ROTFL and all that anger me as an word dude. What is worse? Emoticons.

Tuesday, November 28

attention guys

This is not a beard. This is an abomination of the man-child. Seriously, this says 'dirtball' like no other. It is worse than the pube stash. Why aren't you growing a beard? I mean, a real one? One like this. Anything less looks like a child molester who beats his girlfriend.

I can only imagine maybe you can't grow a good beard. That is ok, bro... neither can I. I could not shave for a year and look about as tough as David Spade. So do I grow the molester thin beard? God no! I understand a good beard is not my lot in life, so I stay beard free.

Or is it that you think it makes you look older? Remember how in high school you grew that mustache and then the goatee in college? It was cool then, briefly. It helped you buy beer, and that was cool. Now, you look like a 30 year old guy with the pube beard of a 20 year old. Not cool. Either commit to a full beard, or shave that thing, young Prince.

Is it Prince? Can he be blamed for this? Listen, we all like Prince. However, do not emulate him. He is a four foot tall twice divorced Jehovah's Witness who lives in Minnesota. Clearly, this isn't the life choice route you are looking for. On behalf of all men, I will speak to Prince personally. However, you still have to shave that thing off today.

Impressions of New York City

I wanted to write something profound about my five days in New York City. I could write for the rest of my life and never capture NYC. I think Bobo captured the essence of my experience pretty well, so I will let him speak for me (but the colors were all me, baby!):

In New York freedom looks like too many choices In New York I found a friend to drown out the other voices Voices on the cell phone Voices from home Voices of the hard sell Voices down the stairwell In New York, just got a place in New York

In New York summers get hot well into the hundreds You can walk around the block without a change of clothing Hot as a hair dryer in your face Hot as handbag and a can of mace New York, I just got a place in New York New York, New York

In New York you can forget, forget how to sit still Tell yourself you will stay in But it's down to Alphaville

New York, New York, New York New York, New York, New York

The Irish have been coming here for years Feel like they own the place They got the airport, city hall, concrete, asphalt, they even got the police Irish, Italians, Jews and Hispanics Religious nuts, political fanatics in the stew Living happily not like me and you That's where I lost you...New York

New York, New York New York, New York

In New York I lost it all to you and your vices Still I'm staying on to figure out my mid life crisis I hit an iceberg in my life But you know I'm still afloat You lose your balance, lose your wife In the queue for the lifeboat

You got to put the women and children first But you've got an unquenchable thirst for New York

New York, New York New York, New York

In the stillness of the evening When the sun has had its day I heard your voice a-whispering Come away child

Friday Fives

*indeed, a little late. I was on vacation in New York and couldn't get online. For that, I apologize. However, the experience has provided me a wealth of goodness to share with you going forward. I already have three pieces in my head I am going to crank out today, and this is the first.

1. If you had to move 100 miles or more to the north, east, west, or south, which would you choose, where would you end up, and what’s so great about there?

It would be an hour Southwest into the Rockies. I say West because that is where the mountains are, and South seems greener and prettier and slightly less harsh. I want to live in the woods and be left alone. Of course, I would still need cable tv and internet... but other than that would be happy to live down a long dirt road that all the neighbors are afraid of.

2. Do you have a favorite stretch of highway or byway for driving, touring, or wandering?

many, as I am a big fan of just driving. Firstly, 285 into the mountains. Way prettier and more tranquil than hectic i-70. Also, the drive from Phoenix, AZ to Flagstaff, AZ is amazing. In two fast hours you travel from the edge of the mohave desert, where it is 120 out, up to 7,000 feet which is called 'arctic tundra'. I betcha didn't know Arizona had arctic tundra did you? There are plants that grow up on Mt Humphries (14,000 feet) that don't grow anywhere else in the world. Did you also know that Flagstaff AZ is located in the largest Ponderosa Pine forest stand in the world?

3. How do you feel about birthdays and birthday celebrations?am all for an excuse to get together with pals for a brew. Speaking of which, if you ever get the chance, go to one of Roy's 'birthdaypallooza's. They are quite something.

4. Would You Rather…only be able to take pictures of your babies by scanning them in a computer - or - have to imbibe all liquids using a thimble?

tuck it in. I have no problem with either choice, actually. Perhaps that explains why I don't have kids.

5. What kind of card puts you in the holiday spirit when you receive it? Is there any kind that can make that spirit fizzle?

cards with cash. for part two, any cards that don't have cash.