Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Saturday, September 15

I celebrate the human condition. My love for humanity knows not color or creed. You know by now as a reader here that I abhor racism or sexism of any kind. As they taught me at Greenpeace, mostly all 'isms' are bad. I agree. Let's just hug it out like a big happy colorful Benetton ad. Then I saw this.

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up, don't you think? That isn't make up, that is dude's real condition. It's called hypertrichosis, and the people who are much less sensitive than me call it 'werewolf man's syndrome'. I don't mean to make fun of this guy, honestly. This picture does start a discussion, though.

I feel terrible for this dude, because he has assholes like me writing about him. More importantly, this brings up a lot of questions; Can he shave his face and look normal? Does he have hair everywhere like that... even on his junk? Is there a treatment for this? Most importantly, is this god's punishment for too much masturbation? 'Cause if it is, I better go buy some combs and brushes.

Thursday, September 13

I have a cold, so you too must suffer

1. How often do you usually get sick each year?

dunno, once or twice I 'spose

2. Which is worse to catch: a cold or the flu?

Since influenza can kill you, I am guessing that would be worse.

3. Do you plan to get a flu shot? Why or why not?

yeah, it's free at work.

4. What are your favorite home remedies for cold and flu symptoms?

This is what I was just thinking about. nothing can fix a cold. nothing. it simply needs to run it's course on the body. That being said, I left work early today sick, and every person on the planet gave me their tips. Zycan, nap, don't nap, Whiskey, jogging, Emergen-C etc etc etc.

Now that I have told you that all cold remedies are placebos, lemme tell you what I am hopped up on right now: Odwalla Strawberry C Monster, Dayquil, Zycam, and Alka Seltzer cold relief. Yeah, no more cold symptoms because I am high as a kite!

5. When you're sick do you take "sick days" or do you force yourself to continue working?

take sick days. I don't want to be around you when I am sick, nor do you want me around. Plus, I am fortunate to have great benefits at work so I can miss without penalty.

Wednesday, September 12

Don't give her the kids!

Mary Winkler wants her kids back. Why doesn't Mary Winkler have her kids now, you ask? Oh, because she brutally and premeditatedly murdered her husband last summer. This isn't an accusation, she confessed. Anyhow, for whatever insano reason she is out of jail. Bonus, she wants her kids back from her family. No surprise here, the family seems to think this a bad idea. Hmmm... what does the lawyer think:
"She's such a sympathetic character. She's the mother of these three children and there's no evidence she's ever physically abused them."
She sure is sympathetic to me. She hasn't done anything bad to those kids, except for murdering their other parent, of course. "Don't count her out" a friend says of Mary Winkler. Why? Because she will fucking kill you if you do.

This is one of the best parts, though.
The court papers say that Winkler's continued separation from her kids is "unconscionable and detrimental" to the girls.
Do you hear that? Taking away their mommy would be mean. In fact, her argument works so perfectly against her. Winkler is, in effect, saying "what kind of asshole takes someones parent away? You have to give me my kids... I am their parent. Parent trumps everything." This is her message. Normally, I would agree with her... had she not killed the other parent. I have a feeling her thought process is this: without a father, the kids need me more than ever. Again, normally that would be rather true. I fear we are rewarding the wrong behavior here.

Lastly, how is someone convicted of a pre-meditated murder oiut of jail after 67 days? I got more time than that in Tennessee for taking a dump in a Blockbuster video store.

total bonus, on a hunch I did some more research. Tennessee, in their infinite character judging wisdom, doesn't allow gay marriage. So, it's ok to kill your husband. No jail, no custody issues... just don't be gay. Nice work, Tennessee... you must be so proud.

This makes me very happy

The VMA's were Sunday. I know you didn't watch, no one has for years. Something great happened, though. Kid Rock beat up Tommy Lee. What's great about that? Why do I hate Tommy? I don't. I actually dig both Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. I have seen Tommy drum with the Crue a few times and he is really good. I can also tell dude is a genuinely happy and a big hearted guy. Also, though, I think he is a half wit. What I do like about this is rock stars beating each other up. This is how it is supposed to be.

Think of it, what great rock rivals have their been? None, really. I mean, Vince Neil & Axl Rose talk shit about each other. Also, their is Axl Rose versus pretty much everyone. However, there aren't any fights. Ok, Axl beat up Tommy Hilfiger and Jack White beat up that other dude really bad.

Still, most rock stars are pussies & do nothing more than talk. Not my boy Kid Rock, though. It reminds me of a great quote by Nikki Six (Tommy's guitarist). "Just because we wear make up doesn't mean we can't kick your ass." Lastly, Tommy is a very big dude... and at least half retarded. I can only imagine this will escalate. Maybe they could to celebrity boxing on Fox. I mean, they are fighting for Pam Anderson... you couldn't write a better scenario than that.

Monday, September 10

It's tough to be a musician

I was just thinking a lot recently. I had a 14 hour drive home yesterday from Phoenix... so the mind goes a little silly after a while. I was thinking about actors compared with musicians. I was thinking that musicians get totally gypped if you compare the two.

When an actor does a great roll, he is done with it. The roll stands on its own, and he is NEVER asked to repeat it. That is pretty cool. Also, he/she gets super rich and doesn't even have to remember a word. The actor does not have to spend the next year on the road performing the character for 90 minutes in every town. There is no tour, just sit home and count your cash. Now, think about musicians... the better they do the harder they have to work.

What society basically says to a musician is 'prove it'. I know that was a great song you wrote. However, I won't really care or give you money unless you come to my town and play it for me in person. A movie and a rock concert are both about 90 minutes. Imagine if Tom Hanks had to go town to town 6 nights a week to perform 'Forrest Gump' in it's entirety for every podunk backwater jerktown. That would be kinda cool, but nobody asks an actor to do that.

When a band is on a TV show, they have to play their hit song. Yet, an actor is never expected to do some real time character work... they just chit chat. Nobody ever has a band on to chit chat. Nobody. Dick Cavett did, and they killed him for it. Just kidding, he's fine.

How else do musicians work harder? Well, they have to write their own songs, play their own instruments, and dress themselves. An actor does NONE of that. For an actor, the words are chosen, the mood is chosen, the scenery is chosen, the microphone and light placement is chosen, and even the outfits are chosen. What is heroic about that? I mean, they even tell you where to stand.

Do you know why the Who tours? Prolly because they love the craft? Nope. They tour because they are broke, Pete Townshend admitted it. That is schlepping town to town like a trained monkey playing 35 year old songs just to make rent. That is really tough work, and tends to kill people.

Remember Quiet Riot? They were HUGE, and pretty much re-invented heavy metal for my generation with 'Come on feel the noize'. They are still touring, because they are broke. How broke? Singer Kevin Dubrow lives with his mother.

I mean, look at that picture up there. Remember the Coreys? Corey Feldman has a mansion, a reality show, and a smoking hot wife. How? Dude hasn't done any work in about 15 years. See his house? It is sick. Probably 10,000 square feet, because he was in some kids movies in the 80's. Remember the 80's musically? Remember Corey Hart? He still wears his sunglasses at night, I know because he is my garbage man. Thomas Dolby is selling used Toyotas up the street to make rent. I know because he blinded me... with Scions. Come on, you had to see that one coming.