Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Saturday, November 27

New shoes

Hey reader, how are your shoes? Really? Umm, it turns out you are wrong. Your shoes suck.

Don't worry, mine do too. I say that, because they probably don't have a "self activating pump that inflates itself after you slip into it and take a few steps". It's from Reebok, and you don't have it. Neither do I.

I was thinking about getting instead the new Carmelo Anthony sneakers. It costs $120 for the shoes from the young talent. Dude is 19, I think (joined the NBA right from High School) and he has a shoe deal. I hear the new Carmelo shoes come with a stash pocket for your friend's pot,too. I talked with my boss today, and it doesn't look like I am getting a shoe deal this year at all. To quote him "Son, you are a janitor... and frankly not a good one. Why would someone want a janitor shoe?" Fuck that guy! What a stupid gyp!

Don't buy that shoe though, otherwise in a year you are going to look dumber than you do now. Why? Adidas is coming out a $250 shoe that "features a fit adjusting computer chip."

Not me though, I already got that. I kicked in another fax machine at work on Friday and I now have all kinds of cool electronics embedded in my Converse.

Take care and stay warm!

Friday, November 26

Friday Fives

1) Have you ever bought and/or sold items through an online auction? Do you remember the first item that you ever purchased through an online auction (or at an online store)? Do you plan to shop online for the upcoming holiday season?
Yes. My first and probably only online auction was for some Guns & Roses stuff. Yes to the second question as well. I plan to do as much online shopping as possible. I don't like malls near the holidays... or people. 2) What is your shopping style?
Head straight for a specific store and pick up the item that you're looking for Browse through everything and then narrow down your choices from there?
My shopping style is very linear. I know exactly what I want and where it will probably be. I buy that thing and leave. I don't look for deals or browse. Never. I go in and I attack, and am out in five minutes... no matter what it is. 3) Is there someone in your life who is particularly difficult to buy gifts for? What do you usually end up getting him/her?
My dealer. What do you get for the guy who has everything, and is in jail? 4) Do you prefer to shop at big-name department stores, small family-owned gift shops, or somewhere in-between? Do you tend to patronize local stores as opposed to store chains?
Well, I don't know if ma and pa grocery stores exist. So I use King Soopers. Of course I try to patronize local merchants but they are almost obsolete. Everything is a chain - everything. The only business I have been able to find that isn't a chain is a local coffee place that just opened. So I visit him on occasion, but let's be honest... dude will be closed by Spring. Also, I don't shop at Wal Mart ever... for about a zillion reasons. 5) When's the last time that you bought something for yourself to enjoy? What was it, and when did you buy it? Do you reward yourself with gifts every so often? Why/why not?
It was the new U2 disc. Do I reward myself? No. My only indulgences are music CDs and DVDs. I buy maybe 1 a month. That's not rewarding myself. If I were to properly award myself (which I think we can all agree would be well deserved) I would go get an XBox.

Wednesday, November 24

Speaking as a consumer

I am the ground zero of product relationship and advertising. Ever since I began testing and tasting beer for Coors about 8 years ago, I have been in the market research business. About four to six times a year I get called by various market research firms based here in Colorado to test and taste and look and guess about upcoming market trends. I get between $50 to $100 an hour, so it ain't bad work. In this month's Wired Magazine (sorry, this piece isn't online or I would hook you up) there was a piece about the 'Death of Brands'. The premise was that as consumers we are more concerned about getting a good price more than anything. Apparently in the old days, people were more brand conscious. Now, we want the best price. This has even had a negative affect on brands who price parallel to the generics... because they are still losing ground. How? I'll tell you my own experience. When I go to the store, I am so conditioned on the store brand being a better deal that I often don't even check the price difference... I just grab the generic house brand. What this means is that the name brand could be cheaper and I wouldn't even notice. So now that I am a quasi market specialist on price points and marketing technique... what do I have to share with you, my lowly reader? I'll tell you what we really have to fight for in the long run, because I believe everyone will be price competitive in the end. I will spend my hard earned money on a grocery store or restaurant who buys nice toilet paper! I am tired of my ass being treated as a third class citizen! Listen, I don't want to shit in your place of business, no more than you want me shitting there... it certainly wasn't my plan. However, if you buy that sandpaper industrial ass chafe paper... it gives me insight as to how you really treat your employees and customers.

Tuesday, November 23

The shooting of the hunters story

Ok, I know I should feel bad for these hunters. I wish harm on no one (remember, I am a Democrat. We really do think that way). With all the injustice in the world, this situation doesn't make me feel bad at all. That is how bad a person I am. I understand what hunting is. I understand it is ecologically a necessicity. I understand that I am a meat eater and this is where food comes from.

However, I think hunting is a stupid and barbaric and a murderous undertaking. Too many times I have wandered across the upper regions of cable and come across the Outdoor Living Network, or whatever they call it. If you stay on that channel more than a minute or so, you will see some of the earth's finest creatures. You will see an old buck deer with a huge amazing 15 point antler rack. I stop to watch the animal, because I saw them all the time living in Flagstaff when I was going to school and have such a positive association with them. I spent much of my time wandering in the woods with my mountain bike (Otto) and came across them often.

Then, you hear the voice of the two inbreds working the camera... and within seconds - BAM. A scrappy noise and you see the animal fall in the distance. I don't find that satisfying on any level. Like I said before, I understand people's postive feelings about hunting and animal control. I understand them, but I don't agree with them.

When I was a kid sneaking out to toilet paper houses, I remember coming face to face with an Owl sitting a few feet from my on a 'for sale' sign. I opted not to kill it. I remember a night in Palma Sola, Mexico where I wandered from the hotel through the jungle half a mile to the beach just before sunset. I walked into a cow, literally. I hit something fat and hairy, aimed my flashlight up ( I was just focusing on the ground, see) and only seeing the reflection of two huge eyes a foot away from me. I opted not to kill it. Fortunately for me, the cow seemed to be of a similar mindset.

I remember four wheeling with some good friends up in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. A bear crossed the road in front of us. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life. I had always wanted to see a bear in person in the wild. We stopped, the bear stopped and looked at us. We waited as it cruised around the side of the truck. It soon seemed the bear might be coming around the back of the vehicle. Knowing what a bear can do to a car (think of what Edward Scissorhands could do to Saran Wrap)... we sped along. We opted not to kill it.

The point being, if you see something wonderful in life... and your first thought is to get the gun... you, my friend, are fucked up!

* one last note. The gun that the bad guy used (SKS 7.62 mm semiautomatic rifle), is what us in the outside world called an 'assault weapon' and tried to ban. However, your precious NRA thought such a gun was an inalienable right for hunters. If the bad guy had a single shot rifle (the only thing real hunters use), the vicitms would have had a chance to defend themselves easily. Good job NRA, thanks for protecting us again!