Friday Fives

We have a new feature beginning now. Going forward, every Friday Five will be accompanied by a beautiful mandala.

1. Would you perrmanently shave your head and live bald for $1,000.00?

Yes. Why? Because I already shave my head bald twice a week... and I ain't got any money for it yet. Here is one benefit, since I bought my clippers I have not paid for a haircut in over ten years.

2. When did you last sing to yourself or someone else?

last Saturday night. We went to hang out with some friends at their cabin in Winterpark. I bring my acoustic guitar to things like this. We all sit on the porch, drink, and sing along.

3. How many times a day do you look in a mirror?

each time I pee and stop to wash my hands. I do not take extra trips for vanity.

4. Have you ever been and audience member for a television show?

yes, the Arsenio Hall show. It was great, and we were front row. The guests were Dennis Miller (back when he was funny) and Anna Nicole Smith. We were vacationing in LA and cruising around Venice Beach and some studio lady offered us tickets... free.

5. What was the last practical joke you pulled? What about the last one pulled on you?

I am not much of a prankster, though I am a constant joker. My comedy isn't physical, it's cerebral.

What is the blogosphere anyway?

You are a smart guy, and you read a bit don't you? Have you heard all this gobblygook about the 'blogosphere'? Apparently, all news and opinion are now handled by the 'blogosphere'?

Today, ABC news reported that e mail is 'quaint and outmoded', 'not used by this generation'. You aren't still using e mail, are you? My lord you are lame. Oh no, today's youth would much rather spend 35 minutes typing out crap like 'u r hot, LOL' then use a keyboard. Hey, don't laugh... these are your kids America, not mine. No sir, todays hipsters get everything from the blogosphere... this mystical place that answers all questions and supposedly makes a great sammich.

So, what is this blogosphere, anyway? I held out for a bit, but am finally ready to come forward. The blogosphere is this site, I am Correct.com. I didn't want to seem uppity or ungrateful, so I held back. In the old days (by that I mean in the last 10 years), America got their news from CNN. Now, folks go to this blog. 'Blog' is shorthand for 'weblog'. 'Weblog' is short for www.iamcorrect.com Now you know where all information comes from. Because you are you, and I am me... I have provided an FAQ for your tiny tiny brain.

Where do you get the information for everything?
Now if I told you that, you wouldn't need me anymore

aren't blogs free?
yes

can I have a blog?
no

Couldn't I just go to blogger.com? Isn't it an easy interface which will allow any jack ass from Parker, Colorado to claim he is some supreme genius? Shit, any monkey could do that, right?
no

what is it like, being saddled with genius?
it is tougher than it looks

if there is a god, why do bad things happen to good people?
so you will go to church

can we be friends? I'll buy you alcohol, and mow your lawn
We are already friends, but the booze sure helps. Fix the sprinklers first, fatty.

Why would god create stupid and mean people?
Republicans need voters too

What is the deal with Hillary Clinton, anyway?
She is an ugly woman with a good... and ambitious... heart

What is your problem? Why do you think you are so swell? What can you do that I can't?
I can type in blue font. Can you do that, Gomper? I didn't think so.


mahalo