Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, April 6

Good Friday

Ok, Christians, maybe you can help me with this one. Let's pretend for a minute Easter has anything to do with Jesus coming back (because it doesn't, it is a pagan Spring festival named for the goddess of fertilitiy Eostre). Ok, skip that. Also, we will skip how chocolate and bunnies represent the resurrection of the Lord. No biggie, life is supposed to be filled with mystery. Here is where y'all lose me, though.

Today, good friday, commerates the day Jesus was killed. Now, I understand wanting to mark the day... it is pretty significant. Do you really wanna call it good, though? I suggest you do not. Now, the day he came back to life... that is something to celebrate. That was a good sunday. I think you might want to think of the day he died as a very, very bad Friday. Perhaps it should be known as the worst Friday in history. I am going to make an analogy, and it involves a bit of blaspheme to illustrate my point.

Let's say I get hit by a bus tomorrow going to get coffee. Let's say that makes you super super super sad. Surely, you wouldn't always call that day 'good Saturday', would you? I implore you NO. Also, I would implore you not to celebrate me by wearing a bus pendant, or mounting busus in your houses in memory of me. No sir. The bus and I had a really bad experience together, and I would rather no one ever be reminded of that.

So how should you remember me? Start with a tree, and then maybe a party at Red Rocks. For the love of Jesus, though, don't take a friggin' bus there. Happy Easter, I love you all!

Friday Fives

1. If you had to choose being blind or deaf, what would you choose and why?

deaf. As much as music is my all guiding passion, If I couldn't see it would be terrible. Plus, I could still play guitar. I would just have to get more accustomed to the vibrations and feel.

2. What is the best smell?


3. Who would you like to see today?

Roy, my wife, a pint of beer and a cigarette in my hand by about 7 pm.

4. What's the worst feeling in the world?

regret. Oh, and knee surgery. At least the knee surgery gets better, and they make pills for that.

5. Friday fill-in: Always thought that I’d ____ by now.

I always thought I would have a better grip on mornings and getting up by now. Not the case. I thought it was drinking, but I stopped that and it didn't help. I thought it was me going to bed too late. Nope. I could go to bet at 7 pm and still have trouble getting out of bed. Once I get out of bed, I am golden, though. I know you don't believe me, but it isn't laziness. I am very active, and I ride my friggin' bike to work... which isn't close.

Thursday, April 5

Ford, the new United Airlines

Why aren't people buying American cars? Why aren't American car companies profitable? Are unions really the problem? Well, reader, let's start with this piece of news.
NEW YORK ( -- Struggling Ford Motor Co., which posted a record $12.7 billion net loss in 2006, gave its new CEO Alan Mulally $28 million for four months on the job, according to the company's proxy statement filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission Thursday.
Awesome! So, you see the United analogy if you are a long time reader here. I remember reading last quarter that Ford was losing more money than any company in history had. That is not me paraphrasing or exaggerating... those were the actual words. Now we know where the money is going, and it ain't to quality, brutha. The money isn't going to the workers either. They all got laid off. The money is going to the suits as a reward for losing $12.7 Billion. Why do I care about this? Because I, like you, am a Ford shareholder. How do you say? We are shareholders because we are taxpayers... and so it is you and I who will subsidize the inevitable bailout. Someone will be stuck paying the legacy pensions and health care of everyone who has ever worked at Ford (yeah, they struck a pretty sweet deal). The company doesn't have any money, so that money will come from the Fed. The Fed is you and me, and I am still pissed off about personally having to pay off the workers pensions for United Airlines after that company gave every penny they had left to their executives. I will leave you with this bit of awesomeness, from the same article:
Ford executives' use of corporate jets for personal travel cost the company almost $1 million in 2006. An earlier filing by Ford had disclosed that Mulally can request that his wife, children and guests be able to use Ford corporate jets at company expense, even without him being on the flight.

Sunday, April 1

let them smoke

Ricky Williams is trying to get back into the NFL. He was suspended for taking performance enhancing drugs. Not just once, a buttload of times. Last time he got popped he was suspended for four games. That is an expensive error. It got worse, though. Almost a year ago he tested positive again and was suspended for the ENTIRE season. Come dude, I know you need an edge... but be subtle.

So I read further, and saw that Ricky is 30 years old. Holy crap! That is ancient for running backs. Sadly, most great running backs are in wheelchairs by 30. Remember Walter Payton? He retired at 19 years old. The great Barry Sanders? He retired at 20. Jerry Rice? He retired at 67 last Spring... but he wasn't a running back.

So I can see how a 30 year old would need an edge. In fact, if you are a running back over 30 in the NFL... you get a pass from me on the performance enahncer issue. So, I read further. You probably know this by now. Know what his performing enhancing drug was? Steroids. nope. Speed? nope. Blood doping? nope. Andro? nope. He got kicked out of pro football twice... for weed. WEED.

weed. Remember all those olympic speed records that were found out later to be weed influenced? No, because it never happened. Weed makes you fatter, dumber, and slower (especially you). You kicked the guy out of the NFL for smoking pot. I say if Ricky Williams can be an effective running back and still be high, kudos! That makes for good television, and think about all the possible endorsement. I talked about this a couple of years ago when Mike Anderson of my beloved Broncos got popped for pot.

Me, I don't smoke weed. However, I also don't get hit by 400 pound guys for a living. It certainly isn't a public safety issue. I mean, pilots and such need to be extremely strictly tested. Football players, though, should be left alone to get as high as they want.

update 04.03.2007

For a really thoughtful and impressive read on the subject, click here. It is a piece by ESPN's Chuck Klosterman about how and why we look the other way about steroids and such... especially in pro- football.