Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, February 17

A word of advice, do NOT let the baby drive

ok, the conservatives say a baby can feel pain inside the mother. They say life begins at conception. They say every fetus is a sentient being who deserves to be protected by the law, right? Ok, a pregnant mom just ran over three people in Denver yesterday.

If baby wants to play with the big boys... then baby needs to be charged along with the mother for running people over. I want the fetus in custody for reckless driving! I am tired of pandering to the baby lobby, and we need to toughen up baby driving and baby road rage laws.

LONGMONT - Three people were hospitalized Friday after being hit by an SUV driven by a pregnant woman, according to the Colorado State Patrol.

What is this sentient infant doing in the drivers seat? Did it at least have a learners permit? Come on, righties, let's play both sides of this abortion game. Was the fetus wearing a seat belt, or was it on it's stupid cell phone like everyone on i-25?

Friday Fives

1. If you could go back and relive one moment or day from your life, without changing anything, what would you re-experience?

Probably my first rock concert. I was a precious and naive lad of about 10 years old when my brother took me to see the Police. It was their farewell tour for Synchronicity, and it pretty much changed my life. After that, all I ever cared about was music... even more so than before.

2. If you could witness a moment in history, again without changing anything, what would you want to see?

the Kennedy shooting in Dallas

3. If you could talk to a younger version of yourself, what age would you visit and what message would you give?

I'd go back to about 14 years old. I'd say 'have more confidence kid, you are doing fine. Also, pay attention in school.'

4. If you could choose one moment that would be guaranteed to happen in your future, what would it be and when would it happen?

Getting paid to write this gibberish would be pretty excellent. However, I would settle for lunch with Billy Corgan. It would need to be an exclusive audience so I could ply him with questions.

5. Pretend you left a time capsule for yourself 5, 10, 15, 20 or more years ago. You just opened it. What three things from your past are you now holding and what age were you when you buried them?

That is too heavy, man. I guess there would surely be my long hair which I cut off about 10 years ago. If you want any content heavier than that, you will need to ply me with whores and blow.

Monday, February 13

the truth about all of this

You may have heard that the vice President ‘accidentally’ shot a hunting partner this weekend. You may have heard that he NEVER reported it, and it only became public when someone at the hospital leaked the story to the media. You may have heard he shot the dude in the face, with a shotgun. You have heard right.

See, here is the thing. How come when one of the President’s posse shoots someone in the woods it is a ‘hunting accident’ and when I do it it is ‘attempted manslaughter’, ‘felonious assault with a deadly weapon’, or ‘trespassing’? Do you see the game they are playing? How come nobody thinks the guys I shot are accidents? How come there are now 13 states that I am not allowed to teach in?

Here is the deal. The thing with Rudy is, he was being a tool and still hadn’t returned my sisters car. Does that mean I shot him on purpose? According to the commonwealth of the people of Nebraska it does. Actually, Cheney just moved up two rungs in my estimation: 1) he shot a Republican, and 2) got away with it! Anyhow, this is a Chappaquiddick style cover up for sure. Listen to the official report:
While the state Parks and Wildlife Department issued Cheney a warning for not possessing a required stamp on his hunting license, the sheriff's department said there was "no alcohol or misconduct involved in the incident.
What? He had no hunting license? Why? Maybe because he shoots at people. No alcohol was involved? Why not, you were hunting with the boys, right? Hmmm, correct - very suspicious. Here is the capper, reader, and the reason why I get paid the big bucks – ‘no misconduct involved in the incident’. Really? None? Um, how about the part when the VP shot a man in the fucking head with a shotgun ? If that ain’t misconduct, I want all them felony assault charges overturned, and all my swords back. Here that, Tammy?

So, where does a guy like me go to relax, Florida. This is where I have been. Since I cheesed out of the Friday Fives last week, here instead is a pic from my cell phone. This is a sunset shot off the coast of Key West taken Friday night.