Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, October 29

The Bin Laden tape

I feel compelled to speak on this issue, but you will hear it spun every which way this weekend. What we see in the tape is that Bin Laden is alive and well. His arms are fine and he clearly isn't someone who has been doing kidney dialysis from cave to cave. That Bin Laden is alive and well and seeks to be visible and continue to threaten us says to me Bush has accomplished NOTHING in the last four years. Bin Laden isn't dead, or even on the run. Bush has not succeeded, or even sufficiently tried to get Bin Laden. I think it is the boogey man that keeps the GOP happy... because it keeps you afraid. Bush has failed us on every level, and we are very clearly no safer than we were. Imagine if your boss were to say to you

"Gordon, did you take care of the Penske file?"

"No sir, but I fully intend to. Really, the only way in the world the Penske file will get taken care of is by keeping me on the payroll. The one true fatal mistake you could make right now is to fire me and hire someone new to handle the Penske file. It will show weakness and inconsistancy to the Penske group"

"But Gordon, you have had three years to handle the Penske file! It was the only thing I asked you to do. The only thing you got done was the Brunson file, which I never asked you to do. In fact, my report says you lied about everything in the Brunson report.

"But sir, the Brunson file is directly related to the Penske file. In fact, the only way to get the Penske file done was to take care of the Brunson file first."

"Gordon, remember when you told me last year when we had this same discussion? You told me that the Penske organization was dessimated. You said they would never even show their face again, so completing the file was moot? Remember that? Remember how you said "I don't know about the Penske file, and frankly I don't care? Guess what, Penske is back at the door. He is not amused!
needless to say, you would be swiftly fired. It would not have taken 3 years, either. Mr. President, for not having addressed the Bin Laden file after three years of grave concern... and instead spending all the company money and time on the Hussein file instead - you are fired!

Thursday, October 28

Halloween Friday Fives

1. What was your first Halloween costume? well, for years I did the hobo thing. You know, dirty clothes, messy face, and a handerchief of stuff on a stick. 2. What was your best costume and why? My favorite though was my C3PO costume. I was so proud of that vinyl piece of crap. I must have wore it for years. Should have mom did it up, I'd be retro chik now! 3. Did you ever play a trick on someone who didn't give you a treat? Well, there were certain houses in the neighborhood who didn't do candy. They would signify this by turning off all their lights, and of course not answering the door. Keep in mind, young kids are pranksters, who turn into teenage vandals. Let's just say when it came time to egg a house or tee pee someone's lawn... we always remember the houses that didn't put out! 4. Do you have any Halloween traditions? Now? not really. We dress the house up a bit and give out candy to the kids. You don't think I want my house egged for the next 10 years, do you? 5. Share your favorite scary story...real or legend! It was this ghost story Mr Clarke would tell us when we were camping. It was about a trucker who was driving in a terrible rainstorm. Up ahead he saw a guy in a yellow raincoat flagging him down for a ride. It was too wet and too late to stop in time, and the stranger was right in the middle of the road. Of course the man in the rain slicker got ran over. The trucker never stopped, I mean... it was too late. What could he do? He felt bad but kept on going. All of the sudden there was a ghost sitting next to him. The ghost just said over and over, 'Thanks for the ride, mate!". So trucker drove and drove and drove until he found a town. He stopped at a bar and went in and had some drinks and told everyone his harrowing tale. They all dismissed it as a rain vision. The trucker stayed there for the night. The next morning the storm was gone and it was daylight. He went out to his truck and saw yellow vinyl all over the radiator. It always freaked us out. Apparently it is a pretty common ghost story though, because I have seen it in about every horror and urban myth movie since. As always, thanks to go to Roy for this week's questions.

Wednesday, October 27

Terror Alert Raised

The President's ratings over the last year have been very closely tied to the raising of terror alerts. I say this with a complete straight face and all anticipation it will come true in the next 5 days. The White House will raise the terror alert, perhaps even to the highest. They will say they have credible evidence of chatter bla bla bla bla and how this has nothing to do with the election, but instead about keeping America safe. Just remember, you read it here. Vote now, vote early. Here in Colorado, lines are already on average an hour long to early vote. CNN mentioned (as did I, but no one listens to me) that election day lines will be hours long. Vote now, vote early. Kerry in a Landslide!

Monday, October 25

The October Surprise aka 'Talentgate'

Well, I think we all saw it coming. In fact, various web sites have been established to ferret out the inevitable 'October election surprise'. It went down Saturday night on live television, and I think we were all caught off guard. That is right, we are talking about Ashley Simpson, and 'Talentgate'. When Ashely Simpson went to begin her second song live, somehow the vocal track started long before the microphone was anywhere near her mouth. After a few seconds, the vocal track disappeared... after doing a brief and eery dance... so did she. However, Ms. Simpson just very recently spoke out about the controversial issue of suck ass talentless kids with over-reaching parents and the lip synching craze. Let's eavesdrop on that little from last month, shall we?

‘I'm totally against it and offended by it. I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me.’

so, that was the before. Here is the after, her explanation of what happened at the end of the show.

"Exactly," Simpson said. "I feel so bad. My band started playing the wrong song. I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd do a hoe-down."
This is the kind of misdirection typical of our administration. Anyhow, this stuff is what I have come to expect from the current administration. More distractions for the American people. Is President Bush going to acknowledge what happened and apologize? Of course not. Miraculously. in three different campaign stops today the President made not a SINGLE mention of this. It is time for Lorne Michaels to resign. This is the same old shit, America... and it is time for you to vote Democrat - for a change. My parting words shall come from Jeanette Walls, who helped to sum the issue up Sunday morning on 'Face the Nation'. Let’s not confuse this whole episode with the Milli Vanilli scandal. At least those guys could dance.