Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, August 10

Friday Fives

1. Dessert: Pie or Cake? Why?

pie, cause its colder. See, to me... a meal should be hot and a desert should be cold

2. Are you any good at Frisbee?

about as good as you. It's fun, but I haven't done it in years. Guess you could say that about a few things, eh?

3. Have you ever disliked someone for being luckier than you?

I won't for a second to pretend to be above jealousy. However, I consider myself rather lucky in life every day... so I don't dwell.

4. If you had the ability and opportunity to compete in the Olympics, which event would it be?

air hockey. Seriously, there are few in the world at my ability

5. When "the tooth fairy" "came," what was usually left?

Don't really remember. Prolly a dollar

Monday, August 7

Character Witness

Here is a tip, free: Be careful who you use as a character witness in your defense. This week, has been Patrick Swayze defended Mel Gibson and his tirade. I tirade that happened when Gibson was not drunk, by the way. .12 BAC is three glasses of wine. You don't get to threaten peoples lives on three glasses of wine. Maybe three bottles, but still you are a dick.

That isn't why we are here. We are really here to make more fun of Patrick Swayze then Mel Gibson.

Gibson is "a wonderful human being," Swayze told GMTV in an interview being aired Monday. "He is not anti-Semitic."

Thanks, Pat. You are a stand up guy. Oh wait, Patrick Swayze crashed a plane in Arizona while he was drunk. Seriously. So the guy who drunk drives a plane into the ground defends the guy who drove 80 in a 45 and then tried to pee on a cop, while threatening him and his family... and his race. That is a couple of stand up dudes!

the oldest trick in the book

Remember when you were a young teenager and your mom found your cigarettes? Do you remember what you said? You said "they arne't mine, I swear. I am holding them for someone". It never worked, not on my mom anyhow. Remember what you did to your Dad's car that night you borrowed it? Remember how you blamed your brother?

Remember in college when you spilled red wine all over your roommates Nagel print, and then you accidentally threw up on his mountain bike? Then, you two got in a fight and he tore down your Dali poster and so you whipped a pint glass at him and nearly killed that fat guy who was always just there? Remember? Remember when you had the rent in the kitchen drawer and the day before it was due it was gone? Remember how you knew that punk Alex Torres did it, but he woulnd't cop to it?

Maybe that was just me.

Anyhow, I was reminded of the great defense this weekend. They caught the serial killer in Phoenix, one of them anyhow. That one killer turned out to be roommates. Wait, it gets super silly in one second. The first suspect, the one we all think is the mastermind and main bully in the twosome, said this weekend it wasn't him. Moreover, he said it was his roommate.
Hausner has denied any involvement but says his roommate may have used his car and weapons to carry out the attacks without his knowledge

I can't possibly imagine that your roommate is a serial killer, and using your gear, and you aren't aware.

"Hey Sam, wanna catch a flick tonight?"

"love to Dale, but I can't. Am busy again. Listen, can I borrow your rifles and car again?"

"sure, bro. You are looking for work, right? I can't cover again this month for both of us."

"dude, of course. Listen, I left some clothes in a garbage sack over there in the corner. Do me a solid and soak them in bleach, burn them, and then bury the ashes, cool?"

"no worries, it's done. Hey, careful out there buddy. We got a couple of serial killers loose nearby."

A couple of geniuses, these two. Know how they caught them? They were tracking the fat one (Sam Dietman) was the main suspect in two arson fires at Wal Mart. That is why they were watching him. While they watched him, his movements seemed to coincide with the serial killings. Good thinking, fatso. Also, though several victims lived... they kept using the same car.