Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, May 24

Friday Fives

1. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

oh yes, with girls even!

2. When you're home alone, do you strip down to get comfortable? Do you ever go out without underwear because it's more comfortable?

at home > cotton t shirt, shorts, and my Chaco sandals. I do not ever go commando. Gotta keep the boys at bay.

3. Have you ever/Do you use the bathroom with the door open? Are you comfortable using public facilities?

I am a bathroom door closed type. Mostly in there, I am reading. I am totally fine with public facilities... they get cleaned hourly or daily... unlike mine.

4. When getting intimate with your significant other, lights on or off?

wouldn't you like to know, you cheeky monkey. Ok, I'll tell you. Very low light, just enough to see contours... super sexy.

5. How comfortable are you with body exposure/nudity of others? Group shower rooms?, topless/nude beaches?, breastfeeding in public?

not so much. Like you, I could lose 15 pounds and be a lot better looking nekkid. Now, for the love of god, stop imagining me nekkid and get back to work.

Have an excellent and safe holiday weekend. Remember > drive fast, and lift with your back!

Wednesday, May 23

Einstein's last communication

Tuesday, May 22

I invented this

I invented this. Someone read the date today, May 22nd, 2007. I actually thought it up several months ago, but am demanding riches from it now. Before we get to my invention, which will revolutionize personal computing, I should clarify. Firstly, the thing I have invented doesn't yet exist. That is ok, this is my gift to humanity. Seriously, all I want in return for whatever corporation uses my idea is a free laptop. Ready? Buckle up!

Below you see every laptop on the planet. Notice where the pink arrows are pointing to. These are dead space, on every laptop.

So what is my genius idea? Every single PC laptop is missing a 10 key number pad. Why is that? I can do ten key by touch, so you probably can too! Not without a ten key number pad, though. So what is a guy to do? Well, they make external plug in ten key thingy... but that is stupid. Why doesn't someone put a ten key in that dead spot (pink squares).>

See that above? That is a super crude mock up I did with Paint, but you get the idea. Now go, do! WHY? You have the space available, you have the demand, you have the technology. Do it! You are welcome!

Have a study!

So, when I moved to Denver ten years ago, they talked about crowding on the I-70. The I-70 is our main thoroughfare through the mountains, and the only way to get to the ski resorts (of which we have millions). It was agreed that something needed to be done about congestion on the 70. See, on Sundays, the I-70 pretty much comes to a stop heading Eastbound (into Denver). So, they figured they have a few solutions:

1. Widen the I-70 to accomodate more lanes

2. Do a bus only lane (would also require widening)

3. Light rail through the mountains (would also help pollution)

Easy, boy, said the electorate. Let's not be rash in our decisions. Let's have a study. They did a ten year study which is concluding this summer. Millions spent on it. You know, millions that could have gone to a solution instead went to discussing the solution. Eggheads call that 'Analysis Paralysis', and I agree. So, ten years later the report is about ready and here are the suggestions:

- Widen the I-70 to accomodate more lanes
- Do a bus only lane (would also require widening)
- Light rail through the mountains (would also help pollution)

25 Million smakeroos. $25 Million dollars and ten years to come up with the same solutions. $25 Million that could have been spent on solutions. Awesome!

So, they announce their same three solutions and the mountain communities say "no way to widening, NO WAY". Valid concern, but dig this. This didn't come up during the ten year study. I guess no one asked them. This only came up after the ten year study was released this month. Really? Couldn't the mountain communities have told us that ten years ago? Or, maybe, anytime in the last ten years? Really, we did a ten year study of what to do with traffic through the mountain communities and no one asked the mountain communities? Not once in ten years? Apparently not:

He says mountain communities feel like they were excluded from a previous study which focused mainly on widening the highway to six lanes.
Well, if we can't widen... then that pretty much throws out the bus idea. This is fine, because the buses would be super- pollutey. If you know Denver, you know the 'brown cloud'. So, what solutions do we have? To me, and many others, the best solution seemed light rail (a train of sorts). It would be fast, weather proof (a biggie), and require less environmental destruction (paving) then the widening. Problem is, light rail is super expensive. It costs about a million dollars a mile. We don't have that kinda cash. Of course, we did have $25 million. We probably could have built a test line from Morrison to the Tunnel... or Evergreen. Problem is, we blew that $25 million discussing the widening. The widening idea was tabled after two weeks of public discourse.

Ten years, not a single thing solved. Ten years. They handed it to the public, who solved the concern in two weeks. So the real question isn't how do we solve the I-70 connundrum. Obviously no one really cares about that. The real question is how do I get myself on one of these study groups?