Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, January 19

Friday Fives

1. What's your worst landlord story?

her name was Barbara, and she was evil. She was our landlord when we first moved to Denver. She was evil on, like, twelve different levels. She was so evil when we moved out we had legal counsel to deal with her. When you are making $7 an hour, getting a lawyer means some serious shit. I wish her nothing but hurt, because she profited of others misfortune. It got that bad. Her name is Barbara Hanson, she owns houses in the Capitol Hil area of central Denver.

2. What canceled tv show do you miss?

Greatest American Hero

3. Tells us a little about your home country. (Question stolen from an ESL study site. What fun this will be.)

Mine is a dark, grey, stormy place. It was once a great thriving economy, the gem of the Northeast. It was a hamlet named after the great magnificent American beast of the plains, the Bison. After the demamd for steel dropped, people began to realize that Buffalo was a miserable and cold place. Most of the wise folk imgrated West, leaving behind what are now known in local parlance as... my cousins. Now, I ain't talkin' shit about my cousins. I have the best family in history, any one of whom I would die for. It is just that... they live... in... Buffalo.

4. What are your top five traffic rants?

Do you mean 'what are my traffic pet pieves', or what do I scream at people? For the former, my biggest issue is people not using turn signals. Honestly man, even if you are turning into your driveway, use a signal. Even if you are in the clearly marked left hand lane, use a turn signal. If you are going to cut me off in traffic, at least warn me with a turn signal. It takes a brush of the pinky and maybe a tenth of a calorie. Even if you are on a dark country road in the middle of the night after the apocolypse and no one is left on earth... use a turn signal.

They say speed causes road rage, I profoundly disagree. I feel that 90% of road rage could be avoided if people simply signaled their intent. It really means that much to me. Of course, I have a bad history of aggressive driving and speeding tickets, so I ain't one to preach. As for the ladder, I am a lover and have nothing but love for my fellow commuters. Also, I live just a couple of minutes away from work. I encounter one stop light and one stop sign.

5. A person who does not like you and would have something to say, might say what?

being both fabulous looking, (and nearly faultless), I fear I have no gossip for you here friend. Maybe that I am too charismatic. Ok, ok... how about this. They might say, the bitter ones anyhow: drunken narcissistic phone monkey with a Napoleanic complex and a huge member

as almost always, the fives are presented bymy very good friend Roy.

Go Broncos!

Wednesday, January 18

so much to do

There is a lot going on right now in my head. Many things I want to write about, but don't have time. The house is being remodeled and I have 15 annual evaluations to crank out for my employees this week. I can't get anything done, though. I want to write about how I have recently noticed Asian people are not personable at all to strangers. I get this really mean vibe too often. None of that matters, all I can think about is football. The Broncos are only one game away from the Superbowl.

That just freaks me out with happiness, and apprehension. Remember, I was born in Buffalo and got to watch the Bills lose 4 Superbowls in a row (thanks, Norwood). My family is in Arizona, did you even know they still had a team? Plus, this city (Denver) looms so heavy under the Elway shadow. Our team and QB get no respect, because they are not John Elway. Anyhow, it is a home game and our defense is playing extraordinarily well. See, we are undefeated at home. Also, then other teams come here they die because there is no oxygen when you are playing football at a mile high. Also in our favor, Cowher has a history of choking in the play-offs big time.

But I think that is what we are really here to talk about, Pittsburgh coach Bill Cowher. He is my favorite coach because at every given moment he is completely freaking out. You must watch Sunday's football game just to watch Cowher. In fact, I wish I had the technology to go picture in picture with Cowher's face. I want a TV camera trained on Bill Cowher for the entire game. I can't imagine dude's blood pressure level, but it can't be good. Anyhow, I'll leave you with some random Cowher pics so you can get a feel for what I am talking about. Unlike last weekend, I can't guarantee a Bronco victory this weekend, but feel pretty confident.

Go Broncos