Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, September 8

Friday Fives

1. What is your favorite kind of Sushi?

fresh, and no... that is not a given in many restuarants

2. As a child did you take any kind of musical lessons?

yes, trumpet in grade school, and guitar as a teenager. Am looking to get back into taking guitar lessons again to learn some new skills, I am in a rut.

3. Would you rather: have a lake named after you? or have a poplular children’s multi vitamin shaped in your image?

a lake, for sure. Only a lake could reflect my magnificence. It should be a huge and grand lake. It should be a lake in the mountains, where wildlife lives untouched by Republican hands. It should be a lake that would be on the cover of a John Fielder book(see above, that is John Fielder work). Only such a lake should bear my greatness. Also acceptable would be if you built a lake in my image... like a wet version of Mt Rushmore. Seriously, start on that now.

4. Do you say goodbye quickly or slowly?

I want it to be fast, but it always goes slow. I am awkward in those moments. That is why I cower in this basement firing missives from the shelter of my lonely cove. All I need is these fish. They don't lie to me, they don't call me fat, they don't tell their friends what a loser I am, they don't 'pants' me at work and shove me in the women's restroom. They don't invite me out to a bar for beers only to find it was a vacant lot that I waited at all night while they drove my and threw toilet paper at me. They don't put my picture up on and call me 'the big fruit!'. They certainly put that video up on youtube. of me crying after school behind the dumpster.

5. Finish the joke: Five guys walk into a bar, . . .

is this a time to joke? Seriously, do you read the news? Paris Hilton is in jail, man. Maybe you can giggle your failed dreams away, I must secure Paris. Every generation had their cause, there was Huey Newton of the Black Panthers, Ghandi in India, Bobby Seale at the Chicago Eight?... this is no different people. This is the same Bourgeois patriarchal power structure putting their foot on the throat of youth movement. Get off your asses and do something for America. Get out their and vote, man. Free Paris Hilton (shakes fist in the air)

Thursday, September 7

I am going to take a stand

I am about to say the uncoolest thing on the planet. I am about to say something that just may lose you as a reader forever. I am about to go off the grid. I thought I should warn you first, you may just want to skip this one.

I like Jake Plummer. Yup, the Denver QB. Jake has an image problem, and a personality problem... these things are true. Jake has cheesed off just about everyone he has touched in the last ten years. Ok, sure, maybe he

  • left his finacee at the alter the day of the wedding
  • crashed into one car and kicked in another in a road rage incident, then drove off and false reported the event to the police casting him as the victim
  • got caught giving Denver fans the bird during a home game
  • called Denver fans 'the worst'
  • called and personally threatened a reporter who revealed a tryst he was having with a Denver chearleader

Big wup. He's an asshole. He should be an asshole, he's an athlete. An athlete (or a rock star) not being a dick is like a supermodel not doing blow.

the list goes on. That's ok, I like Jake. Jake is a good quarterback. I trust Jake Plummer in a football game. I don't care that Jake Plummer is quite possibly an epic asshole. It isn't his job to be nice, it is his job to win football games.

I understand that Jake isn't the next Elway. We touched on this over a year ago, here. There isn't going to be an Elway, so shut up about that already. I sure don't like that team pic of Jake last year with the mustache. You know, this one... that makes him look like a child molester. That is ok, I think it was his joke on the world. The picture above is how I like to remember him. Homeless, scruffy, and psychotic looking. That is not a smile above. That is him dreaming of kicking your scrawny ass. That is an attribute I really like in football players.