Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, May 20

the Saddam picture incident

So I am finally ready to speak on the Saddam picture floating around. If you don't know the story, see the famous and forbidden photo here. Anoyhow, someone snapped a photo of Saddam in his undies. Everyone is freaked out because this is a breach of his civil rights and bla bla bla. Guess what, by conservative estimates Saddam killed a million people. Correction, a million of his own people. Now we are worried about his rights because of a photograph.

Even though I am a Dem, there is no question about this issue. Fuck Saddam's rights. He is a monster who deserves to die a million deaths... at the hand of his own people. Innocent people are being treated worse at Gitmo. The picture of Saddamn shows he is very healthy and has not been beaten. Frankly that is an endorsement of how well he is being treated. Everyday thousands of Iraqies are dying at our hands because of our beef with Saddam. Now, you are worried about how we treat him? Let's just call off the Iraqi war and kill Hussein. Case closed!

Thursday, May 19

Friday Fives

Posted by Hello

1. You can invite 2 artists to your house, but they must sing together. Who are they and what one song will they sing?

The first is Joe Myers, who you have probably never heard of before. The other is (of course) Billy Corgan. I would not allow them to sing together, Billy's voice just doesn't jibe with anything but his guitar. That being said, and since I have changed the rules... each musician will play one song at my behest. For Joe, I would ask him to do Jade, and I'd have Billy do Mayonnaise.

Honestly, I had to intervene on that one. Remember last time someone tried that? A very young David Bowie was a guest star on the Bing Crosby Christmas Special. Bowie didn't want to sit on camera more than a minute without any lines, so he added a whole verse to 'Little Drummer Boy'? What a weird disaster. I love Bowie, and have strangely become a fan of that version... but you just don't go splitting genres like that.

2. Are you on "the light side" or "the dark side"?

Are you talking about my thing for black women? That is a myth. Oh, you meant the whole truth and justice thing. Surely I would be a 'Light Side' type person. Remember, I am a Democrat, so I believe in all that stupid stuff like clean air and giving non whites a fair shot at opportunity.

3. If you could completely start your life over from scratch, what would you do differently the second time around (if anything)?

What are you implying? Did I totally screw this one up? Just kidding. I would pay much more attention in school. I would have had much more self confidence too. I was plagued with feelings I was a loser and doomed to be alone for life pretty much until college (when I started getting laid). Is that normal? I would have started writing and playing music earlier. Also, I would have gotten into politics and volunteering at a much earlier age... so I could be more helpful. Also, I would have killed this piece of shit president and everyone in his administration long before they could do the damage to the history of the world, and Americans that they are doing now. I honestly believe one day this country will come to it's senses and these terrorists running our country how will be held to their crimes in what can only be compared to the Nazi war crime trials at Nurembourg . Of course, I can't say that. Ok, this is a biggie, I would have learned to be way more handy at every opportunity (like, fixing cars and stuff).

4. Do you have any purple clothes in your closet? If so, what items are they? Do you enjoy wearing the color purple?

Yes, I have a cool purple dress shirt. Y'all know I am a freak by now... so my love of things like Purple shouldn't surprise anyhow. However, now purple is everywhere. When I was a kid, purple was like Snuffleupagus (Big Bird's invisible mammoth best friend). It was a well kept secret, now everyone knows. See, back in the 70's, only Big Bird (and us kids viewing) could see Snuffleupagus... so he was our secret friend. I guess a bunch of executives realized they were possibly giving American kids a mass neurosis by giving every kid in America the same invisible pal. Nonsense! Look at me, I turned out fine.

5. What do you picture when you think of garbagemen?

First thought, honestly, is Mexican guys. I hate to stereotype, but every garbage man I have had has been Mexican. Next, I think of them as the few people in America who are truly 'working for a living'. After that, I wonder if I have too much trash and if they think of me as a big jerk for having all that lawn crap out there. Then, I wonder if me and my wife make more or less trash then most. Indeed, a weird question... but an honest answer.

Monday, May 16

Thomas Kincaid, painter of ...

Hey all, I am not interested in generalities or base dualities. I see the chiaroscuro of everyday life. Nothing is ever simply black and white. That being said, anyone who likes Thomas Kincaid should just die. See, I am calmer now. In the old days, I would have said 'kill yourself'. This guy is a dip who perfectly demonstrates all that is wrong with commercialization of art as mass media. In case you don't know who Kincaid is, I envy you. oh, and he is the cottage in the woods guy. It is all he paints. He has thousands of variations, of cottages... in the woods. If you don't believe me (and that would be foolish), here is an example

Posted by Hello

I have nothing wrong with paintings of cottages in the woods. What disappoints me is that cottage-boy is more successful, rich, and well regarded than Picasso and Dali put together. The problem is that dude shits these out once a month and gets millions. He is so successful that 60 Minutes did a piece on him. Remember when 60 minutes did that interview with Dali, Wyeth, Picasso, or even Bob Ross? NO! But Kincaid gets a story. I saw things in that story that sickened me. He was taking lithographs (that is art snob talk for poster) and highlighting two lines on each poster with a paint pen. The posters then instantly became worth tenfold. When they showed this, he had assistants moving and placing the posters underneath his wrist at light speed. Dude was knocking out about 40 or 50 a minute.

and before you comment the obvious, Andy Warhol was a completely overrated hack too.

Sunday, May 15

These are my hands

 Posted by Hello

Hello friends, I just wanted to drop a line. My updates will slow for a couple of weeks. Don't worry, there will still be the Friday Fives, and whatever else cheeses me off or inspires me. However, I am having some kind of wrist problems that hurt when I type. This sucks because I work a cubicle job typing all day... then usually come home and write to you.

If you see that picture up there, those are my hands. The picture was taken tonight, and those are wrist guards I have to wear when I type for the next three weeks. We think it isn't Carpal Tunnel, because if it is I am fucked. When I am not jamming out nonsense to you (or for work), I play guitar. I guess the long story is I need to give my wrists a rest (while still maintaining a fierce masturbation schedule). So, I am still here, but my posts will be less in the next three weeks.

There it is. My name is Lono, I am 33... and I totally suck! Thanks for your support, and snickering laughter. I love you.