Rock top

I was watching one of those VH1 'Behind the Music' tales of an old metal band. Dude was talking about how 'out of control' things were. 'We weren't even making great music or talking to each other'. 'We traveled in seperate RVs and Limosuines'. Really? Tough life, asshole. How come no one gets on there and says 'Man, it was friggin awesome' I was high, rich, and laid 25 hours a day. My god, it was bliss being a rock star.

Now they live with their mothers, and drive 1984 Gremlin's. My point is this, no one ever thinks to talk about how great it is. IS, not was. Nobody notices great until it is too late. Everyone remembers 'rock bottom'. What about getting that blowjob while being interviewed on national tv coked out of your brains? That was pretty cool, wasn't it President Clinton? I don't want to wait until I am 65 sitting on a porch to realize how great my life is right now. My life is pretty goddamn great. I am blessed with an amazing wife, super awesome family, and a ginormous cock personality. My life rocks, and yours is pretty great too. If you are reading this, you have access to the internet, idle time, and probably know me. Yeah, you are doing pretty well yourself... better than most in the world.

Don't ever forget to be happy now. It won't do you any good to be old and remember how happy you were. Call a friend today (me). Invite me him out for a beer, and have a laugh. Just don't call during the Broncos game.

Friday Fives

1. What was the first CD/Record/Album/Artist you ever bought and what format was it in? How often do you doodle. What do your doodles look like?

what the shit does doodling have to do with my first record? Ok, that having been addressed - my first purchase was Van Halen's 1984 on cassette. It was momentous for me, and I really connected to that album, since I 'owned' it. Plus, that baby with the ciggie was just the coolest image I had ever seen. Ok, what do I scibble? Well, I don't scribble much because I don't scribble well. I keep a soduku puzzle near me at all times at the office for meetings. That is how I cope. Also, I send stupid cell phone pics out of context to other people in same meeting to see if I can get them to crack up and get in trouble for playing on their phones instead of paying attention. Juvenile? Yeah, but now you are going to start doing it too... so shut up!

2. How do you usually listen to music? (iPod/Walkman/Stereo/Radio) (Morning, Evening, Mid Day?)

All music comes through the iPod now. I don't use Cds and have cast off Clear Channel rock radio. I have a docking station for the iPod everywhere, even in my cube. In the truck, I listen only NPR. Listening to talk radio makes driving go by effortlessly for me, and hopefully I get less ragey. I mean, how can you get all road raged up on NPR? Can't be done, even if you are a sister beater.

3. What is your favorite genre of music and why?

touigh question, as I am the music guy. Though early Bob Dylan is probably the most important music to me, I have to anwer Metal. I love Metal. It raised me. It never let me down, and never pretended to be smart or well written or even clever. Nope, Metal is about rockin'! Metal pisses off the squares, man... and sounds even better when you are drunk. Metal rules!

4.Would you rather . . . have Spanish subtitles appear as you speak - or - have a phtographic memory where all the people involved are replaced with the cast of Night Court.?

yo hablo espanol, entonces... yo creo que alguien la gente estan sobre de 'Corto de Noche' era mas interesante. Tambien, su mama es una caballo y su papa es una gallina azul!

5. Would you like to know the precise date of your death?

oh lord no. That reminds me of a classic Simpson's moment where DR Hibbert told Homer to go out and live every day like it was his last. Instead of seizing the moment and doing zany things without fear... he spent the day crying 'I don't want to die'. I thought that was a little more realistic than the whole 'zeal for life' montage that normally drops in. I do, however, know the exact date that you will die, and that is almost as satisfying.

Virginia is for ...

You have heard the slogan on the license plates: Virginia is for Lovers. I have an amendment to that. Virginia is for: racists and misogynists. Stong statement, and I will back it up. The guy who was running for Senator in Virginia was George Allen. George is a racist, and a sister beater. George is a dirtball. There are probably plenty of sister beaters and racists in Virginia. Heck, maybe everywhere.

The problem with Virginia is that they almost elected the guy as their senator. Big Problem with me, that one. Allen's history of duechebaggery is well documented. His sister wrote a friggin' book about it. Know what that means? It was vetted by lawyers thoroughly. So, it is no secret. In fact, I am not even going to footnote my racists claims about him, because I have never heard him refute them.

So that is my beef with Senator Allen. If he were alone, no biggie. Frankly, it is none of my business how he feels about blacks or women. However, there are 1,173,805 voters who are ok with that. Over one million people in Virginia said "I know he has a seriously racist background, I know he routinely beat his sister so hard she wrote a book about it... but THAT is my guy to run the country. Allen's background was no secret, and so now neither is Virginia.

So, does living in Virginia make you a racist and misogynists? After election, it sure does!

Election Day

My favorite day of the year. This day means more to me than Christmas and bring your daughter to work day combined. I am a Democrat in a big way. That being said, I am bound to have either a great evening or a terrible evening. So, I have an exciting funtime gift for you. Sort of like Democracy itself, today we are going to do a ‘choose your own adventure’ regarding the election. I have written my thoughts down for each side of the argument. I have written a piece for both. I was going to just give you the pertinent piece… but got something more for you. I will allow you to see how I work. I am going to post both pieces. The first is if we (the Dems) won, and the second is if America lost.

Dear America, you did it! I am SO proud of you. Today we begin taking our country back from the greedheads. I gotta tell you, after 2004 I was VERY angry at you… and still am. You blew it, we blew it by letting the Bush crime family take office again. Today, though, you redeemed yourself. Today we have begun to heal our relationship with each other, and the rest of the world. This is an opportunity for the Republicans to try and go back to their Republican roots. Remember what those were? Republicans forever told us they wanted a smaller government, and to stay out of people’s private business. WOW > is there a worse description of the GOP now? It is sad, because their party has been hijacked by big business war profiteers with not a single regard for working individuals. They are assholes.

Now, if things don’t go great tonight (am writing this at 8 pm Mountain time, so everything is up in the air). Here is how things will look from my side of the GOP retains control.

I am so angry I don’t even want to talk to you anymore. You know why? Because you let them win. You let them keep America in their rich back pockets and just screwed every single American worker. I hate you. I hate Democracy, it simply doesn’t work. What more do you want to see that every one of these buttholes is a rich heartless asshole who will do nothing for you. If you aren’t one of their rich buddies, and look at you… it is clear you are not) then you are on your own. Remember how they lied to us about going to war? Then, remember how we proved it? Then, remember how they didn’t apologize? Yeah, that was sweet.

The scandals are simply too many to mention. Do you remember when you learned about government in high school? What you learned about was called ‘checks and balances’ and you clearly need a reminder. There are three branches of Government: the executive, the legislative, and the judiciary. They are separate, but equal. It is designed to be very difficult to get anything done. The reason is so that no one party, group, or person has too much control. Pretty clever, that is why the document stands. Here is the problem right now (and for the last 6 years).

The GOP (stands for Grand Old Party, seriously) controls all of them. Every single branch of the Government is held by one group. That is more than just dangerous, it is Unamerican. Forget it. You cast your vote for greed, corruption, and special interest. I love America, that is why I am so angry. I love it. What I don’t love is you. Don’t call back.

There it was – an honest read on both sides. I seriously hope that come tomorrow, the Dems did great and that last piece was unnecessary. Please tell me you did right, America. Please tell me that you voted.

one last thing

My opponent had unwed gay unprotected sex with an illegal immigrant fugitive stingray. Not related to the issues at all, but I thought y'all should know.

Majikwah > arsonist

• America, I tried to stick to the issues. I wanted this to be a fight on the issues and not character assasinations. I wanted this to be different. You will not my opponent has not answered me on a single issue. The issues are these:
  
  my opponent has sex with cats
  
  My opponent kicks puppies, and drinks decaffeinated coffee
  
  my opponent is a 'hairist', and won't allow any male battern balding in his cabinet.
  
  So what does Majikwah wanna talk about? How much he likes he pets, and how he committed arson on his own house. I guess this election is about values.
  
  I would also like to take a minute to answer one of his salacious claims. Yes, I do use Asian child labor to write my material. I haven't actually blogged in about six months. These kids can blog on a dime, and they don't sass me back. At least, I think they don't. Truth be told, I have no idea what those little buggers are saying most of the time.
  
  In closing:
  
  您是所有資本家連續豬

America Speaks: ray responds

Dear Amerika,

Ensconced in my ultra comfortable lair and sitting high above all of you, I offer you simply this: A vote for me is a vote for someone with a head of hair. A vote for me is a vote for an ironed garment and striking a blow against microwaved frozen dinners eaten in darkness in the breakroom.

Many of my challengers, also known as lesser ticket choices, have complained that I don't do their blogging for them. They want to live in a land where all that is presented in a browser is prepared by others but claimed by themselves. Where is the pioneer spirit that makes this country great when entire blogs are outsorced, sending all those words, tags and ideas oversees for small little Asian children to type out? It is important when suggesting change to realize that when you change for simple sake of change, you often end up with socks that don't match.

Expensive pets, certainly. Do I prop my pets on a pedestal? Certainly, my cat lives on a pedestal, upholstered and prominent in my livingroom. It makes the cat sleepy and comfy. I ask you voters if you are ready for a world of miserable cats. I don't and I will fight, as I have fought throughout my career, to keep cats comfy and sleepy. It was recently revealed, in a cheap shot by my challenger, that I allow dogs to sit on a coffee table. Fine. Sure enough. Certain well trained and adorable pets trust me and love me and have positioned themselves so that they can always stare at me lovingly. I think it is adorable. Amerika would be a better place with adorable pets.

Summing up, I am smarter than you. I don't outsource my blog or tough decisions. I have adorable pets that are spoiled. I only burned part of the kitchen in an odd fluke and as I have repeated to unheard audiences for years, the smoke damage looks much worse than it is.

Go Broncos.

Before you vote

Tomorrow, you will be asked to make a choice for America. Me, or 'Majikwah'. Majikwah has voted 13 times against HR 1865 'Puppies are Adorable' act. Is that who you want blogging for you? Majikwah seems to think it would be a good idea to let old people drive, and give all immigrants guns. Is that a good idea for America? Majikwah seems to think that instead of writing good copy, you will be distracted by zany Friday pictures. Have zany pictures ever put your child through school? Mine neither! Majikwah has consistantly voted against both sunny days, and the smile on a child's face. Good luck letting him run America.

In four years of blogging, what exactly has Majikwah done for the blogosphere? Is your site in cleaner, wittier, or better managed? Yet, he continues to prof all these HTML solutions... my site still looks this stupid and simple. Where was Majikwah when I needed archive help? Nowhere, and that is where he will leave the American blogger. Huh? I mean, yeah... he showed me everything he knows, and led my hand through the whole process of learning and communiucating through the web. Yeah, if it weren't for him you wouldn't be reading this. Yeah, he may be my best friend, but my archives are still totally fucked up. I can't spend my life forgiving, and neither can you! Also, Majikwah hates God and Asians.

Lono believes in a stronger and more democratic blogosphere, and takes credit for way more stuff. Lono loves America, porn, puppies, smiling babies, porn, kittens, and also porn. Lono is not afraid to represent America, or to take on the special interests. In fact, I am having a rather blunt confrontation right now with a delicious envoy from Canada this minute (Canadian Mist... yummy yummy yummy)



I hear that Majikwah goes out there and 'works' every day to support his family and oppulent lifestyle (has both a dog and a cat... must be nice). Majikwah is out of touch with regular bloggers, because he is too busy nurturing a $1200 cat. Was your cat free, America? Mine sure was! His name is Checkers, and I am not giving him back. Majikwah supports himself through various schemes he calls 'a 40 hour work week'. Sounds suspect to me, America.

You can be sure that win or lose tomorrow, Lono will be hanging out in his mothers' basement looking at porn, like he always has. Win or lose, that is what I stand for, America. More importantly, I will be here to tell you about it!

I am Correct is not about spreading bile or negative campaigning. I am Correct is not here to accuse Majikwah of killing 13 Vietcong children villagers in 1971 (which he totally did, my buddy Eric knows I guy who was totally there). I am Correct does demand accountability, which seems to be lacking from 'Majikwah'. For example, last night I was sitting at this bar and Roy 'Majikwah' was going to meet for beers after work. He totally didn't show up. I sat there for 6 hours getting deeerrrrrUNK by myself at the Holiday Inn off Colfax. Where was Roy Majikwah then? Same place he is today, running a 'company' and feeding his 'family'. If that is what you want America, I think you know what to do at the polls today.

* paid for by citizens who think Majikwah is a total douche bag.