Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Saturday, December 11

Ok, I have some new photo software to play with... so let's get to it. As you know, I use this site to raise the bar of social dialogue. We have tackled some tough issues here in these pages; politics, law, government, racism, and weather. I do this because too much of the internet is spent by small minded people extolling their small minded views. We are better than that, here. Well, I mean... everyone has to take a day off right? I can't always be your moral compass here people. It's the weekend, so let's just take a deep breath... and make fun of these guys relentlessly.

reign Posted by Hello

I have no idea who they are. I just stumbled across it on the net... and so probably have no right to publish it. To be fair though, these guys have no right looking that dumb. I am pretty confident that this is a publicity still for a band. That tells us a lot, sociologically. First off, it means they dressed like that on purpose... this is not a 'candid' shot. Second, they paid big money to have this taken professionally. Third, they feel that in the absence of hearing their music... this photo fairly represents them and speaks to their musical style. Oh, and lastly... they are probably handing these out to girls and bar managers as we speak. Oh, the humanity.

I should add I am no better than these guys. I am a musician who doesn't even have the courage to get out and form a band. Instead I hide in the basement, rocking secretly. Wait, update. Yes, we have it confirmed. I am way better than these guys... I mean, what a bunch of tools! If nothing else, at least you don't have to look at me.

Friday, December 10

Friday Fives

1. The world ends tomorrow and only you can save it - by appearing as a contestant on a Reality TV show. Which show would you pick.

The Amazing Race! You get to see the world, first off. Second, the couples that fail seem to fail because of horrible communication, or no ability to adjust to the insanity and constant changing environment that is world traveling. I think my wife and I would kick major ass. We have traveled together to Costa Rica, Mexico, Spain, and England. Yes, we bicker just like the folks on TV... but we are focused. We also love to travel and both speak Spanish. Plus, the host (Phil Keoguan) is dreamy!

2. Armed only with a used deodorant dispenser, a hammer and some woodscrews, and a hanky, craft a Charming Christmas present for Granny.

Well, I'd make what any self respecting grandchild would make... a terrible, terrible likening of a birdhouse. She would love it. Sadly, both sets of Grandparents are all dead and I miss them so much. Now that I am an adult, there is so much I could have learned from them. I owe everything I am as a person in life to them.

3. In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming? (haha, thanks

I don't get it, frankly. I am actually a big fan of swimming, having grown up in Phoenix, AZ. I still swim three times a week at the gym. Now to your question, Roy. As you know, in dreams water represents the unconscious. We are going to do a little pop psychology dream analysis here. Trust me, I studied this stuff for years and take it pretty seriously. If you are having dreams about avoiding water, you are avoiding your own subconscious... yourself. It means you are afraid to confront something about yourself. You are aware of it... but push it out of your mind with little distractions. for me it is my weight. I need to drop at least 10 pounds. I don't know what your secret is, only you do. I can only offer this advice, jump in the pool brother! No one is looking and no one will judge you. The pool represents you.

4. Name the top five reasons you still believe in Santa Clause.

Well, the birth of Santa Claus is the real reason we are all having this discussion right? Well, that is a great question I was just discussing with Renee. Keep in mind, these answers come from a stone cold atheist.
  • 1. Christmas is an important cultural holiday. It is something we all have together even as strangers. Society could use more of that, it's a good thing.
  • 2. Because apparently the US economy depends entirely on our Christmas spending
  • 3. Because I like to give and get gifts
  • 4. I love decorating for Christmas. Just this evening (mind you, I get home near midnight these days) I was pulling out all the Christmas fixins.
  • 5. Because Christmas brings life and light to the dead of winter. Oh, and that is why we celebrate Christmas, by the way. It was a pagan holiday to celebrate the winter solstice (Dec 22nd) which is the shortest day of the year for daylight. Obviously, things being mostly dead at this time of year. Bringing a live tree inside was a spritual homage to life. Jesus was born in the Spring, it is a fact. The Christians gobbled up Dec 22nd and made it their own holiday. They did that a LOT. Think about it. Easter... what the hell is that? We celebrate the lord's crucifixion and subsequent resurrection with chocolate and bunnies? No sir, Easter started as a fertility right (think of the word Estrous). It had nothing to do with Jesus dying. The early Christians quite wisely just glommed onto existing holidays instead of starting new ones from scratch.
geesh, that was a bummer screed, huh? Anyhow, I told you I was an Atheist. Regardless, Christmas rules. I have put together my annual Christmas Rock CD compilation, by the way. I'll have some out soon, I need to go by blanks this weekend.

5. Your 15-year-old self runs into you today. What would his/her reaction to your adult-ized fashion be?

Funny you should ask. I just answered this question allowed in the blog back in June. No wonder why I call this site 'I am Correct', turns out I answer my own questions before I even ask them. Anyhow, for that gem... just click here.

Thanks, as always, to Roy

Thursday, December 9

Am I racist?

I found myself asking myself this question today. Like most things, I decided to ask you. Don't worry, it's just rhetorical. I was shopping at a diamond store today, never mind you why (ok, pinky ring for me!). As I walked around I noticed two young and fit black guys (sorry, I am not a big fan of the term African American... and it takes way too long to type) who were in athletic wear. We were about 10 minutes from the Broncos HQ and practice facility, and my first thought was 'those must be Denver Broncos players'. That was my first thought. My second thought was 'Why? Does everyone who is young and black and successful have to be an athlete? Can't black people succeed in your corporate world too, you cracker?" So then I wanted to see if they were, because I am a huge Bronco fan and figured I would recognize them if I got a long enough look.

Good news, I realized that would be a bad idea. It wouldn't be polite to stare at two black gentlemen in a jewelry store like 'what are you doing here'. I still feel very confident they were Broncos, because I see them often around the Park Meadows area because their facilities are very close by. The thing is, I saw two rich young black guys... and assumed they were pro athletes. Is that racist? I fear it is.

Ok, scenario two. This summer I was in Dallas attending the Clapton Crossroads guitar festival thing. After one of the shows we got lost in a fairly poor neighborhood looking for food. It was about midnight, and every place we saw that looked open and service food was crowded with young black guys hanging out. I remember feeling uncomfortable with stopping there, so we moved on. Here is what I was honestly thinking at the time: I have no problem with blacks, they are not different people, this isn't even an issue. But... what if they have a problem with me? That was the justification I had for pussing out and fleeing. I was afraid I would get hassled just for being a white guy.

now I know I'm not racist like Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly... but these run-ins make me think? Am I a little racist? Is it unconscious racism? Are we all a little racist whether we like it or acknowledge it or not?

I'd be interested in your thoughts. Thanks for indulging me and have a great Thursday! We'll see you in line for the Fives tomorrow.

Monday, December 6

I'm Rich!

Check this out. I was cruising the mall doing some Christmas shopping the other day and came across this display in a store window. They must have had 10 different pairs that looked at least as terrible as this. I walked by thinking, "Wow, someone would pay to have their jeans pre-destroyed". I kept walking. Then, inspiration struck and I knew that you, my reader, needed me. My curiosity was peaked as I began to wonder how much they cost.

Probably about $20, I figured. That is how much I spend on each pair of jeans. I used to be loyal to Levi's, but they are tough to find these days. Now that everyone and their mother makes jeans... any clothing store in America will get you a good set of new jeans for $20-ish. Just about a month ago I had to retire a very loyal set of jeans, because they looked like that above.

Surely no one would dress like that if they weren't painting a house. Surely no one would pay extra for jeans that looked like that, right? Right? I couldn't even wear these to work, and I am homeless!

Wrongo, spaz! Before we get to the price, because it is clear that is the apex of our story... lemme give you the product tag line verbatim

100% cotton, hand drawn artwork, unique handcrafted destruction details on every pair, Vintage Abercrombie Wash, Boot Fit, Imported

So how much are they? $100. Yup, one hundred simoleans. As soon as I got home I fished out those retired jeans. I hadn't really thrown them away, just hid them from my wife. I began to look trough my disgusting, tattered, nearly destroyed wardrobe and realized... Holy Shit! I am gonna be rich. Someone out there please tell the Abercrombie people to call me, they won't answer mine.