Friday Fives

1. Who is your mobile phone provider, and how many minutes are in your plan?

Nextel (now Sprint) unlimited minutes. I handle all of their lawnmowing and lawnmower servicing needs and am frankly well taken care of.

2. What program do you primarily use for instant messaging?

isntant messaging is for 12 year olds. Oh, and u r gay LOL

3. Who do you send and receive text messages from most?

no one, aren't you paying attention? Do you read this stuff? Is it not super apparent I don't have friends? It should be, you jerk.

4. What kind of PC do you have now, and what would you get if you could?

easy answer - a Dell, and a Dell. This Dell is the Dimenison desktop 4300S from about 5 years ago and I have never had any trouble with it. I had an HP before which sucked ass.

5. What year did you first get an e-mail address and do you still use it?

Well now that is the story I think we are all here for, seriously. Let me grab a cocktail for this one because it is too strange a tale to tell straight.

My first e mail address (outside of the default sucky PINE account I had at college) was lono@majordomos.com. Majordomos was a cybercafe nearby our apartment when we moved to Denver in 1997. I didn't have a computer for years, but needed internet access and and e mail addy to keep in touch with friends. One of those friends was the beloved Woody. You know him, he was best man at my wedding a few years ago. Anyhow, Woody was much more advanced in the way of computers than I was... as his dad worked for IBM. Also, Woody didn't know that Majordomos was a cyber cafe and instead thought it was simply a dial up provider.

So, one day I am checking my e mail and there are picture attachments from Woody which I have no idea how to open. So, I ask the cute manager of the store to show me how to open the jpegs. Cheerfully she assists me until the image loads. (taking large sip of cocktail, and so should you). The picture that then emerged would scar me and that lovely cybercafe manager for life. The photo in question involved two ladies. Both were nekkid. One of the women in question was photographed having a considerable bowel movement. (am taking another big drink here, and again so should you). That isn't the freakiest part, my friend. Oh no. The woman in question was taking a 'dump' directly into another girl's waiting mouth.

yup, true story. Woody thought it was a zany picture and passed it along. There is nothing unusual about guys doing these things. That manager lady just freaked! To her credit, she was SUPER apologetic. She walked away saying 'I am sorry, that wasn't my business, your account is your own account, please forgive me....' etc.

She felt genuinely bad that she had harshed my poo porn groove. I was then left in the extremely awkward position of trying to explain I am not a poo porn guy, nor did I even know such a thing existed. I backpedaled, she backpedaled. I don't think I ever went back there. It is possible that wonderful lady also never went back there.

Thanks Woody. At least I got a decent anecdote over it.

Impeach the President of the United States

Ok, America. I warned you over and over again. You didn't listen, you voted for him. When he completely and totally lied about why we went to war, you somehow defended that (2,000 dead!) with Clinton lying about the BJ. This is not a parallel. Clinton lied about he BJ because he was married. You would have lied too, unless you are stupid. Of course, your concern is that he did it in the first place. Well, no one has died as a result of that story. When DeLay got rebuked last year, DeLay responded by having the ethics committee kicked off of the ethics committee. Best part about that, it was his OWN party members he had removed. Ask Colorado Republican Joel Hefley about that. He got kicked off the GOP held ethics committee for reporting ethics problems with Republicans. When your own people are narking you out, you might be a bad person.

Then, when they finally indicted DeLay like you knew they would... you said that was just Ronnie Earl being a starfucker. Even though Ronnie Earl has spent his career going after Democrats. You called it partisan politics... until today when DeLay starting admitting his campaign finance fabrications. So those are your leaders, and I want every single one of them deposed from power and indicted on war crimes.

How about Bill Frist? Remember his comment about how AIDS could be passed by kissing? Remember when he said he was a medical expert and testified that poor Terry Schiavo was not in a vegetative coma and should be left to live? Remember? Yeah, remember when the autopsy proved dramatically wrong and that she HAD been effectively dead for about 10 years? Guess what, he is being investigated for insider trading of his family's hospital stock. Insider Trading and lying to a jury, nice work Frist. Maybe they will give you Martha's cell.

Speaking of lying to a jury, let's segue way to Rove & Libby. Respectively, the number two men to Bush & Cheney. They look to be indicted on lying to a grand jury, obstruction of justice, and perhaps a little bonus of treason.

That is your leadership, America. How long are you going to defend them? They are swine who should be removed and punished. Somehow, I know the excellent and patient Dave Nalle will be here to say these are good guys. This is a given. But what about the rest of you, America?

I have been holding this piece in for 6 years, but I knew you you woudn't listen. Today was a perfect benchmart to unleash the obvious: indictments all around for his staff, the Iraq death toll hits 2,000 American lives, the President's approval rating dips below 40%, and the Harriet Meiers nom is just a total bonus showing how completely far and away the president' lives from us. Impeach the President and let's take this cancer out before it costs us more lives and millions. We simply can not wait any longer. Who is he going to appoint next? His personal lawyer for the Supreme Court? What about a retired horse judge from Denver who was also campaign manager from Texas to run the biggest emergency relief group in the world? Those of you who know me know I work for the Red Cross so that last one super pisses me off.

ok, one last part... since no one seems to be mentioning him recently. Also, since he is not a Government figure. Robert Novak should be shot for treason for knowing and spitefully publishing the Plame name. Robert Novak deserves the death penalty, and he hasn't even apologized.

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