Friday Fives

1. If you owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

It would have lots of chicken and lots of spice. I guess I am imagining a Thai restuarant... even though I have only been to two. Very very yummy, to be technical.

2. If you owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?

T-shirts and blue jeans. It's that simple. Everyone in the world wears t shirts and blue jeans (or should). Think about what goes out of style: hairstyles, cars, shoes, dresses, Democracy, jewelry, pubes, music... name it! However, blue jeans and a t shirt are timeless.

3. If you wrote a book, what genre would it be?

Boy howdy, I feel I have a thousand books in me. This is a book right here, but for you it is free. I am a serious rock historian, and a consumate narcissistic pop culture observer. That would put me somewhere writing for 'Q'. It is a phenomenal and very funny British rock mag that I can't even afford here in the states (subsciption to the US was $80 last time I looked... but worth every penny).

4. If you ran a school, what would you teach?

Buddhism, nature, politics, music, and cooking. All are essential to a joyful and well rounded life.

5. If you recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?

It would be rock guitar driven... but build on a foundation of piano and acoustic guitar work.

I have seen the enemy

I had an epiphany yesterday afternoon. It was about 6 pm, and I was at work. Suddenly, all of my energies (and enemies) came to focus in one glorious moment. As Arlo sings in 'the Pickle Song'

It come to me like a flash... a vision burned across the sky. So I wrote it down. I don't want a pickle, just wanna ride on my motorcycle...

Now, this has nothing to do with pickles. However, those lyrics are so great I didn't want to ruin the flow by editing them out of context. So who is biggest problem in America? I am almost ready to share it with you. Now, y'all know I can't stand Republicans. I complain that they have absolutely zero concern for working humans, women, or minorities. This remains true. Turns out, they aren't the enemy though. I think most of them have good intentions... they are just good intentions for their super rich friends. No biggie, everyone is selfish. How about those Dems? Why are we always trying to fix things and make the world a better place and help everybody? Force of habit, I guess.

So, who is the biggest problem? Who is the real threat to Americans? It is the religious right. These people have more power than you can imagine. They control almost everything, and are making all of your decisions for you. To say it is a conspiracy would be to undermine it's power. There will be more on this, I assure you.

Lest you think I have sold out... I haven't. I still think all Republicans are dicks. However, I am now beginning to see where their power and influence comes from. To borrow a phrase from the most excellent liberals at Dailykos.com, the religious right is the American Taliban.

United Airlines sucks

If you are a longtime reader here, you know I hate United Airlines. They have consistantly been a major pain in the ass to Denver. Obviously the jobs they provide aren't terrific, because their folks are ALWAYS on strike. They aren't bringing much to the economy of Denver because they haven't been paying their gate fees to the airport (which the city owns... meaning our tax base counts on those dollars). They treat the city horribly and are always threatening us to give them new stuff for free. Now they are asking the Government to pick up their retirements. That means if you worked for you United and spent 20 or 30 years socking away savings with the company... you are about to get Enron'd. Here, let them say it:

how does it save them money when the executives and upper management continue to get pay raises and bonuses and their pensions are not harmed?" Porter asks. "United is also putting millions of dollars into a new renovation at Chicago's O'Hare Airport. Why are they spending the money to do that instead of taking care of their people, their front-line customer service people who have given them so many years of loyalty?"

Where I come from we call that getting 'Enron'd' and all of those a-holes are in jail now or soon will be. In the meantime, America... fly Frontier!

Microsoft SpiteBlock®

I have figured out a product that American businesses need, desperately. I call it 'Spiteblock'. It is software installed on all e mail and word processing applications. Think of it as a useful form of that little bastard paper clip. When you start firing off a missive, a little homeless crack addict pops up and says "It looks like you are sending a rant. Is this really a good idea? How will calling your boss a pigfucker best solve the situation?" See, the idea for the icon is inspired as well. It reminds you if you really hit 'reply to all' with one more smart ass comment... you too will soon be a homeless crack addict also. In fact, Microsoft Spiteblock® would pop up anytime you try to hit 'reply to all'. That would keep us all from sending thing like this out:

Well, maybe if IT did their job instead of closing tickets and being patronizing to us all the time we could have gotten this project done on time

or

Maybe if we were treated like adults for once there wouldn't have to be urine in the coffee pot.

or

I just can't wait until Tom falls flat on his face with this one. I have been carrying his ass in this department for a year now. I don't even think he has worked an 8 hour day in his life

You get the idea, right? It is a bad enough idea to do anything personal with your company's resources (like, blogging for example)... but the 'reply to all' has ended more bright futures then I care to even think about. Why do you think I am still just a lowly 'Lawnmower Consultant 1' when that asshat Meyers is a 'Lawnmower Consultant 3'? I am the one who trained the jerk!