Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, April 2

Friday Fives

1. What was your first job? bag boy at Alpha Beta (chain grocery store in Phx) 2. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Don't remember that. It was a spin the bottle environment though, I vaguely remember that. Probaby was about 10-ish 3. What was your first car? What happened to it? 1977 Toyota Celica - sky blue with a sports rack on the back. I was very proud of that car. I bought it for $1200 (around 1988) saved working in fast food and bagging groceries. It died driving back from Los Angeles, the engine seized up. great story though, because my mom didn't know I was in LA. I called her Sunday night and she told me dinner was waiting and why wasn't I home. Told her I was in LA (8 hour drive away)... and worse... my car was history. That wasn't the last time California swallowed one of my cars, either. 4. What was your first concert? when I was in sixth grade, my brother took me to one of the great rock concerts in history... the farewell tour of the Police: Synchronicity. Thompson Twins and Madness opened up and that event absolutely changed my life. 5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? looking at furniture and readying the lawn for spring. via Friday Fives.

Thursday, April 1

Pet's by Mail

Sounds strange, doesn't it? I found it surfing earlier this afternoon. After some thorough reading, I would have to say it sounds worth it. This isn't a site for people who like cats and dogs... but really caters more to exotics. Read through to their exchange policy, it's pretty interesting.

Tuesday, March 30

1st annual Overacties coming!

hey all, I hate to use this site to plug stuff... but we are accepting viewers choice noms now. We have named the catogories after the greatest of the genre, as an homage. Some of the categories that you, the reader, can participate in are as follows: the Caruso, for achievements in overacting in a television drama the Hackman, for achievements in overacting in a movie the Farina, for achievements in always playing the same character in every role- while showing less range and nuance than even Danny Aiello

Bush > the Teflon Doofus

dear reader, I was going to write this long and possibly funny rant about how Bush is the 'Teflon Doofus'. Instead though, let's just save each others time and know that going forward... we will use that term.

Monday, March 29

My run for Senator of Colorado

Dear reader, after much vetting by my posse*, I am pleased to formally announce my bid for Senator of the great state of Colorado. My press release follows. It is about 30% longer and at least 7% funnier than the original. * by posse, I mean my mother (dramatic voiceover) My name is Lono, and I approved this ad. Lono for Colorado Senate

Coloradans, much like the rest of the nation, are growing tired of partisan politics and business as usual. They are growing tired of political scandals and their officials pandering to lobbyists. I am running for Senate on the unique platform that after me, you won't have to vote anymore! How many of those soulless suits on the ballet can promise that? If you take a good look at my campaign, it is clear it has 'one termer' written all over it.

My position on the issues? Frankly, those aren't your business, mister. As for my character, let me say you will not find me nailing big breasted interns on the job, or doing lines of blow off their asses. No sir, the only big breasted woman on the payroll that I'll be nailing on your tax dollar will be my wife... one of them anyhow! How is that for family values? Are you tired of politicians who will only vote along party lines? That ends with me, bubba, for I will vote only for things in my best interest. I'll do more than stand up to the lobbyists... I'll stand up to the biggest political action committee of them all... you, the voter! I won't even take calls or open your mail, that is how sure you can be I am free of corruption and special interests.

Are you worried about career politicians who grow complacent? How do you feel about term limits? Well, if history is any indication, a series of indictments will have me out of office within the first few months. I am no life long public servant either. Frankly I have always been suspicious of those super helpful types. I think you'll find my new campaign slogan in perfect keeping with your core values:

Lono for Senate - He's never helped Anybody

Sunday, March 28

Diaries: I just don't get it

So I am watching the news* tonight, and a story comes on about kids' diaries and their right to privacy. What I don't understand is, why in the world would you write down your innermost secrets into a book and then leave that book laying around? My background in Psychology tells me maybe there is some kind of unconscious wish for discovery, blah blah blah. However, there is simply no good reason why I would write anything down I did not want anyone to know about. Imagine: Dear Diary, today I poisoned the cup of my teacher again because I hate her. I hope I am never found out! Timmy L and Janey T were there too, and we all promised not to tell anyone about this as it is a felony... except our diaries. It is our secret pact! Do you see? No good can come from a diary. This doesn't mean I didn't have one. In college, I had several over the years. I called them 'journals' though... because 'diary' sounds kinda gay. Fortunately, I now have a much safer means of self expression... this blog. I say that with confidence because I can be assured no one is reading this. See that counter at the bottom? Those aren't real numbers, I think my therapist pads them for me by hitting refresh on his browser... because he feels he should do something for the $100 an hour he charges me. have a great week, we'll talk again soon * by 'watching the news' I mean I was watching porn and the tape broke again which shut down the VCR, leaving me watching broadcast television like a total toolbox. ** dear blog, did that piece seem a bit forced? By the way, don't tell anyone... but that new webmaster is a hottie!