Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, May 28

Friday Fives

1. Fox? NBC? MTV? Which is your favorite channel? Discovery & Food. However, all the Food network seems to run these days is the new Iron Chef. Enough, we get it. Get back to Good Eats with Alton Brown. That guy rules. If there was an Alton Brown channel, I'd watch it. That is why he commentates for Iron Chef America, because he is so educated about food and processes that he can explain what the guys are doing without knowing ahead of time what they are preparing. That is a skill. Everything on Discovery is good, guaranteed. I even enjoy watching hours of true crime (hint, the husband did it). I can't think of anything I watch on network TV anymore. SNL is off for the summer, as is Survivor. If I am home, I definately catch CSI. They are teaching my techniques to over-emphasize dialogue in my day to day life. Caruso is the new Shatner of mis-delivered dialogue. 2. Who is the oldest person you can remember? Why? There was this woman we used to visit back in Buffalo. I think my mom called her our great Aunt or something, but it turned out she was a family friend. She was really really old... maybe 90 (and I was 8,9, 10-ish). Every year when we went back to Buffalo we would visit her. She was real nice and we all liked her. 3. What two colors most clash? Generally speaking, whatever two things I am wearing. I suck at looking good for the most part. Is that what you wanted to hear? TLC has a new program about me this fall, it's called 'For the love of god, someone take that guy shopping' 4. Have you ever gone spelunking? Cave exploring... absolutely. Back in Flagstaff there was this cool huge long cave that went a mile underground. We used to pack lots of flashlights, sammiches, and beers and just hang out there all day. Once on our way out there we got REALLY stuck in the snow in my buddies pick up truck. We were at least a mile from the road, so we were on our own. We spent like 4 hours digging it out, it sucked. That is probably the very reason I keep my truck very prepared at all times. I got shovels, flares, tow straps, duraflame log, ax... all that I keep in the truck year round. 5. What was the name of your third grade teacher? Can you describer her/him? Mr's Reifschneider. I have probably butchered the spelling, but I remember the pronunciation. She was fat, but very cool. My first grade teacher (Mrs Anderson) was old school disciplinary so I hated her. Second grade was Mrs King and she was just... old. but Mrs R was cool because she understood and appreciated us. She embraced our third grade-ness, instead of trying to coax us out of it. As a result we respected her and worked hard to keep her proud of us. via Roy

Tuesday, May 25

Ohio - Battleground State?

I keep hearing about Ohio being the key state to win this election. They say that you can't win the White House without winning Ohio. Yes sir, the road to the White House goes straight through Ohio. Are you kidding me? Who the hell cares what Ohio thinks? Here is what Ohio is famous for: taking two years to catch a freeway sniper (who used the same car and same exit to shoot from in broad daylight for two years). Oh, and they are world famous for police brutality, specifically the police shooting blacks for no good reason.

Honestly, I don't know how many electoral votes they have (ed note: they have 20). I could look it up, but if it turns out to be more than one I am going to be angry. I mean, should we worry about that critical North Dakota electorate next? There are a whole bunch of states that just don't matter in the great scheme of things... I am in one of them. America, tell Ohio to shove it! Frankly, if there is one state to worry about, it is California. Go ahead and fill in your own Nebraska joke here, I think you see where I am going with this.