Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, December 3

Friday Fives

1. Do you enjoy letter writing [as in snail mail]? When's the last time that you wrote someone a letter or a note? When's the last time that you received something in the mail from someone [not including regular stuff like bills, junk mail, etc.? No, I find it too much trouble. My handwriting is slow and almost impossible to read. It also hurts my hands after a bid, probably because I have no technique and basically just scrawl. Plus, I am quite addicted to the editing features that come with computers. I know y'all just think I am a writing genius who just spouts this stuff from nowhere. While that is true, it will under about an hours worth of editing before I publish it. Of course, by 'editing' I mean playing guitar and looking at nekkid girls online. The last time I received something in the mail that wasn't a bill (or these infernal catalogues) was a huge and generous care package of crappy washed up metal acts from my friends at Sanctuary records. I wrote about this a couple of pieces down. They were so enamored with my Maiden review (and wisely so) that they loaded me up. I was kinda hoping for cash... oh well. Free ain't bad at all! I got off track again, you asked when was the last time I wrote something by hand. It would be either a brief note to my wife because we work very different schedules right now (a note like, grab milk, see you tomorrow) or a pestering note to an employee. I have to right things like this all the time, "Timmy, please watch your schedule. This is your third late lunch break in 54 days." Really, I do. In fact, that is pretty much my job. I am a petty micromanager who squeezes joy from souls. Think Dilbert. Ah who am I kidding? I am a pretty great boss to work for. Who else let's everyone get high on Fridays? 2. Do you plan to send out holiday cards this year? Why/why not? Do you spend a lot of time on them? About how many holiday cards do you usually send each year? Yes, that is the plan. Now the trick is the execution. As I have oft complained here recently, re-flooring the kitchen has become all encompassing and is impacting every aspect of our lives since we used to cook every single night. It is done, and looks absolutely amazing. We also saved probably about 2 grand by doing it ourselves. Tonight (being late Thursday, mind you) I am going to see if I can coax the fridge out of the living room and into the kitchen myself. It took three of us to move it out... but I am a persistent bastard. Sorry, tangent alarm there. How many cards? I think we usually count on about 20. I send one to my mom, one to my dad, and 18 to human resource folks at work begging not to get laid off again. 3. Have you ever had a penpal? Where and when? How long did you write to them, or are you still in contact with them? What kinds of things did/do you talk about with them? How did your penpal relationship come about? um, not really. The closest thing I have come to a pen pal is a guy who found this blog and wrote because he agreed with my stance on our president being a fucknut. Now, those opinions aren't hard to come by, but this guy was from Belgium... so that was pretty exciting. We wrote back and forth for a few weeks, but I haven't heard from him in a while. So, of course I am like a 17 year old girl right now, thinking: did I smother him? Was I too needy? I should just play it cool right? He'll write back, no big deal. But what if he doesn't. I mean, it seems like we had such a great thing going. So, you get the idea on that one, eh? 4. Do you feel that you have good penmanship? Did you ever have to take a handwriting class in school? Do you prefer typing letters or writing them by hand? Have you ever had your handwriting analyzed? We discussed this. Refer to #1. I can't stand a writer who comes in here without doing his research. It is clear I can't write well. Why do you have to dwell on it Roy? Gee, what is question #5 gonna be about... how much us lefties smudge the page when we write? I get it! I have never had my handwriting analyzed, but due to a great grasp of sociology, psychology, and quackery... I can do that for you now. Here is exactly what one of those pin heads would say: extroverted, impulsive, confident, and one sexy bastard. 5. If you could receive a personal, hand-written letter from anyone in the world right now, who would you choose and why? Why would you want a letter from him/her? Jan Wenner from Rolling Stone. It would be a letter that said something to the effect of "Dear Lono, we need you . I need you. Rock needs you. I know in the last 15 years we have drifted into pop culture people magazine type turf. Thing is, we want to get back to rock. I want to run a magazine that follows, documents, and even leads in the great dialogue of rock music. I need someone who is snarky, way overconfident in their abilities and knowledge, and someone who cares about and studies rock for a living. Be that guy, and I will pay the crap out of you. Leave that great job in the nice office with the awesome benefits. Go live the life of a disgusting rat and report back to me with 2000 words by January 1.
from the benevolent Roy, always

Wednesday, December 1

Re-Discovering Wilco

I am an American aquarium drinker, I assasin down the avenue. I am hiding out in the big city blinking, what was I thinking when I let go of you? That is the first line from Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, which is a masterpiece. I say I am rediscovering it because it is several years old. I initially got a copy of it before we went to England in the Spring. I listened to it driving around the English country side for hours, it was amazing. When I got back, the disc was packed away with a bunch of other crap... so I forgot about it. Recently though we caught Wilco at the Fillmore and the show was amazing. It is powerful and fun and great and loud. All the things you expect from a rock show, but not from Wilco. So, my interest was further peaked in the band again, especially with the masterpiece 5 star disc Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. That first song just slays me, it is so powerful and quiet. I have been listening to it over and over again for the last week, since I finally pried the new U2 out of my truck's CD player. Along with my renewed interest, I decided to Netflix the documentary of the making of that album, which is called 'I am trying to break your heart'. It follows the band through the recording of the album. It was a crazy time; the lost a record deal, they reshuffled the line up, got a record deal. It is an interesting movie, and one I recommend watching after you get a good feel for the album. The band is the story of a moody cat named Jeff Tweedy. He is the talent, vision, and songwriter for the band. Anyhow, go pick up the album already.

Tuesday, November 30

Van Helsing's Curse

Oh, the sacrifice I make for you readers. Lemme give you some background on this piece. This is a rarity to 'I am Correct', but variety is the spice of your loser lives. The gist is this, normally I keep music completely seperate from here. I have been doing some professional music and music DVD reviews for a few publishers. I am working for free right now, just wanting to get my foot in the door. I publish on my music site and at I pick projects that I am interested in (like the Maiden piece), because I don't want to seem that I am 'phoning it in'. Anyhow, I must have struck a chord with one of the music publishers or promoters. After they read my Maiden piece (which is, frankly... great) they sent me a huge box of CDs. About 20, and I have little interest in any of them. There was no letter though. I am puzzled, is this a big 'hey thanks, Lono, you rule!' bag... or is this crap they want reviewed? If they want me to review stuff I don't care about, they have to pay me. That is how I see it. However, since I am new and want to be helpful... I frankly don't have the balls to say "this sucks... pay me!". That is why I am writing to you, here. The music publisher knows my music site and maybe checking that (but he can't find us here.) So, for sport, I took the silliest and most bizarre CD I could find... to review for you. Most of the bands they sent me, I knew. I am a professional hessian, so I was not phased by the collection. But, this one CD was called 'Van Helsing's Curse'. You may know the name as a movie. Not the case! It has some gothic graphic art on the front... so I knew it would be totally gay. I put it in, expecting major death metal. I mean nothing but muted Em chords on guitar. Remember the great 'Death and Insanity' from 'the River's Edge' soundtrack? How about Metal Church? Now that is some good stuff. I expected that, cool and heavy and easily predicable crap metal from 19 year olds. No sir, it is worse. Far worse. It is a concept album from Dee Snider (Twisted Sister, but you knew that). So in-between each unlistenable song is a piece of super stupid and faux goth narrative from Dee Snider. No, seriously. Here is one of the narratives that ties the shitty instrumentals together:
Centuries had passed, and the world had changed. But it knew they had not. The first was always so easy, and the second, and then the third. Their feeble minds were not willing to believe the obvious: That something beyond their reality was the reason for their suffering. But it was, so they all... died... screaming.
Anyhow, the moral of the story is again how much I sacrifice for you! As a non religious and serious fan of the genre, I can only say "jesus christ was that a peice of shit". Anyhow, sorry for the negative and just plain mean spirited tone. As a expert on rock, I can get a little snippety. The good news is that I mostly keep to the other site when discussing music. I am going to call Dee Snider's agent now. I have some lawn work I need done, and I bet he'll work cheaper than Roy!