Richard Pryor: Not Dead Yet

Good day. Today we are going to discuss Richard Pryor for a number of reasons. One, he is black... and this is black history month. Two, he is not doing well and is near death. Three, his is one of the very few comedians who never sold out. This comes to mind because Ice Cube has the #1 movie in the country for the 4th week, called 'Are we there yet?'.

What a bunch of horse shit this movie is. I mean, I want black actors and musicians and anyone to cross over and be successful. All artists deserve opportunity, but I get cheesed off when I see that success come at the cost of sacrificing everything the artist established himself on. I mean, Ice Cube was famous for words like these:

Get off my dick nigga, and tell your bitch to come here

and is now doing zany PG rated family films. That is bullshit! Same with Eddie Murphy. Remember when he (Eddie) was the funniest and riskiest guy alive in entertainment? Now he does Daddy movies - SELL OUT.

I am not here to pick on successful black people, we have Republicans for that. I am here to note that Richard Pryor has become wildly loved and respected and successful without pandering to the man. Richard Pryor was bold, insanely honest, and a role model for every funny person alive.

We owe a debt to Pryor. We do because he made us face black issues, and let us laugh about it. We owe him a debt because he was never afraid to be black ass black. Dude did not describe himself as 'African America', but as a nigger. There it is, I used the 'N' word. Richard Pryor is a great Black, a great Comedian, a great civil rights pioneer, and a great man.

me and my friend, Paul Reed Smith 

Friday Fives

1. How would you describe the style of furniture in your home right now? American Furniture Warehouse

2. Do you have a piece of your childhood bedroom furniture in your home? Sadly no. My family just sold my whole childhood in one fell swoop. In fact, as we speak there is a new family moving in. I guess 30 years in one house don't mean much. Not that I am bitter. However, I do still have my Teddy Bear from childhood. I am quite proud of that. He has undergone several emergency surgeries over the years though, with all the dogs and such.

3. What's the oldest piece of furniture that you own? That would be a beuatiful old china hutch that was my wife's grandmothers. I am proud to have that kind of history, especially since my mother sold my childhood just last week.

4. Have you ever tried making a piece of furniture by hand? What about refinishing? Yes to the second part. My roommate had this ugly huge wooden coffee table that was spray painted black We beat that table senseless. I finally decided one sunny day to sand it down and stain it. It turned out to be a really beautiful peice of furniture. Also, all the damage that created pits stood out after I stained it... so each story of the table became sealed in time forever. I know that is a rather dramatic recreation of a table, but shortly after that my roommate died from cancer... so the table meant a lot.

5. If we looked right now, what would we most likely find on your living room coffee table? What about on the nightstand in your bedroom?

We don't have a proper coffee table because of the dog. She has a tail that is really dangerous and painful (she is a black jab). So we can't keep anything at coffee table level because Maury dog sweeps it off. It's pretty funny actually. Regarding my night stand, what's on it? a clock and a cordless phone. What's in it? porn and medicine and junk.

Tax Time!

Good day. You got your W2, right? ok, get to work on your taxes. Seriously, you are not waiting until April. This is not college. I'd like to bring it down and talk to you personally. Can we bring the lights down a bit? Shhh. Yes, we'll get to that.

I want you to pay your taxes. I want you to pay every single cent you owe. Trust me, no one is more ideologically opposed to where that money is going than me. Where is it going? Slush funds for huge corporations and war profiteers. Anyhow, pay them. Cheating on your taxes isn't cool. Know why? Because you not paying your taxes screws me, John Q Taxpayer.

Know why your car insurance is so much? Because you have to pay for all the uninsured drivers on the road too. Know why medical bills are so much? Because of all the uninsured drawing services and not paying in. Same with taxes. Your burden is so high because you are one of 7 people in the entire country paying into the tax base. True, and I am one of the others. So if you pull that bullshit about how your football tickets and convertible are a write off - then I get stuck paying for all the schools and roads.

So be cool, and be smart. Do your taxes this weekend, and don't cheat. As an initial peace offering and goodwill gesture, I'll copy you my Turbotax for free. See, funny story about that. Apparently last year like 50 million tax returns were prepared by Turbotax, said the Government. Problem was that Turbotax said they only sold about 18 million copies.

Black History Month

alright, crackers, today begins Black History Month. I'd like to begin by recognizing perhaps the greatest person alive today (white or black) - Nelson Mandela.

a quick bio: He was the president of the African National Congress, which was a rebel group against apartheid. What was apartheid? Think of it as a Republican's wet dream: only whites could vote or own land. So, the government jailed him for 38 years. Thirty Eight Years!

When he got out, dude got the country to agree to a peace agreement. WTF? That is impressive, because if I was jailed unjustly for 32 years and was released I would have a platform of 'kill those fuckers'. He did not, and he went on to become first democratically elected State President of South Africa on 10 May 1994 - June 1999 and is now retired.

I can't think of a better man or role model than Nelson Madela. Oh, and another monumental feat Mr Mandela has achieved: staying alive! Seriously, revolutionaries tend not to make it to old age. If his story was American, the CIA would have capped his ass before he was 30. Nelson Mandela is my hero.

I worry too much

I worry about the economy, I worry about you, I worry about the people of Iraq, I worry about the people in charge of running the country (a lot). I worry that the people being paid to represent your best interest are instead representing and defending corporations instead. I decided to make today a stress free Monday. How so? I am going to be a George Bush admiring new conservative for the day (at least). For too long I have worried about societies inequities and abuse of power. No longer, baby! For today, I am all that I hate and fear - a Republican! See, it turns out that

• minorities aren't fairly represented the higher echelons of society because they are lazy
• gay people are being gay just to spite everyone
• stop worrying about the environment, it will take care of itself just fine
• global pollution is our divine right as the #1 superpower
• there is no such thing as global warming
• the free market will fix everything
• don't worry about endagenered species, a little something called evolution will take care of inferior species
• scratch that, there is no such thing as evolution.
• Corporations have our best interest at heart
• If we force our will against the world, they will respect us more
• the only way to end people's dependence on government and teach fiscal responsibility is to run up the higheset deficit in history
• the best way the war can be safely fought is to raise billions and billions and have every penny of that go to contractors and war profiteers instead of the actual forces
• the USA is in debt up to our eyeballs. the dollar is at an historic low and the UN has advised countries against investing in us because of unmanageable debt. hmmm, let's go to Mars!

ah, see? I feel way better already.