Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, December 17

Friday Fives

1. You are trapped in the car on the traditional family holiday road trip. What five things must accompany you on the trip for survival? (Snacks, games, diversions, comfort all come into play.)

an Atlas, so I can see and learn and anticipate the cool things going on around me. Also, some tuneage of course. Lastly, one of my guitars. Probably an Electric, so I can jam along and not bother anyone with the noise. Oh yes, and a good magazine... or several.

2. Along the same lines: If you could take a road trip to anywhere do you just hop in the car and go or lots of tedious, meticulous follow-the-time-table planning? Where does it take you?

I am the hop in the car and go person, no question about it. My wonderful wife, however, is the opposite. Her way is better though because we get to see and d more.

3. Barring the use of plane, car, train or boat - what would be your favorite mode of transport for your ideal road trip (real places aren't necessarily in order for this answer - be creative.)

A train. I got to take a train the first time recently in Spain and it was awesome. We had our own little quasi mini apartment sleeper car and it was overnight and it was so cool. Very romantic. Now, the destination with no limits? Well that would clearly be an underwater journey now wouldn't it?

4. Did you ever play any travel games when you were a kid, such as "the license plate game" or "20 questions"? If you had to entertain Reid on a car trip, how would you keep him from getting bored/antsy during long trips?

Yes, and I still do. In fact, as you read this I am in the middle of a 12 hour jaunt straight through from here to there. The game I like to play (and often it is will myself as I drive) is the alphabet sign game. You find a fixed sign (meaning other cars or truckers don't count) that starts with the letter 'A'. This is easy, then you go to 'B'. Road signs and businesses along the way all count. However, when you are in the middle of Colorado in the middle of the night, finding a road sign that starts with an X or Z gets much tougher. Also, I utilize books on tape for these types of trips. Last big road trip we took a few months ago I listened to the Clinton book, which was cool.

5. New mini topic: This is the start of the holiday weekend celebrations. What is your winter drink? (Booze and soda is hardly considered a special holiday drink.) I mean something fun and special. How is your signature beverage concocted?

Geesh, good question. I do love a cocktail now and then, but have no signature style. Clearly this is a problem. The good news is that I am going to open this one up to the audience, a la Trump. You tell me what my new holiday drink should be, America!

As always, our Fives come from Roy.

Thursday, December 16

A cat's last stand

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This is my cat, Miles. You probably know him, I have had him for about ten years. Miles has always been a fighter, always. He fights (I think) almost every night. I used to think that neighborhood cats always picked on him, because I hear cat fights every night. Then I noticed he was never hurt when he came home. In the last few years though, I have seen him in action, and he is a fighter. I think he has started every single fight he has been in. I used to think he fought just to defend his turf. Nope! This Spring I caught him chasing down a neighborhood cat (who was nowhere near our house) and beating his ass.

Well, his Mike Tyson-like string of undefeated knockouts has come to an end. Miles got really messed up in a recent cat fight. He has two huge holes in his face as a result. It's more than sad, it's really gross. This is a picture of him today, in his special collar so he doesn't scratch his owie. It is called an 'elizabethan collar' and just don't mention it around him ok (he is plenty aware of it). The dogs keep tripping him, and hiding his food.

It gets stranger. I am taking a vacation this week, and was going to simply leave the cat in the house with a huge bowl of food. He does fine, we do this every year. Well, because of Mile's medical situation, he has to be tended to three times a day by us for the next week. Surely, we couldn't skip Christmas with the family for my stupid cat, right? So gear up, Phoenix, we are driving the horribly maimed cat and both dogs across country. Oh yeah, 15 hours in a station wagon with two huge dogs and an injured cat. What could possibly go wrong?

I'll update y'all from Phoenix.

* oh, a small bonus. In this picture you can see the damage that Miles has been doing to our $500 recliner in his free time. Moral of the story? Cat for sale!

Tuesday, December 14

Your Christmas Rock CD

Good day. Because I can not get to all of you with patented Lono Christmas Rock 2004® CD, I am going to let you in on a set list. I have been collecting and compiling Christmas rock for about five years now, and have it down to a satisfying and diverse 15 songs or so. So, let's begin.

1. Happy Xmas, War is Over - John Lennon
2. Wish I had a River - Joni Mitchell
3. Feliz Navidad - Big Head Todd & the Monsters
4. 12 days of Christmas - Bob & Doug McKenzie
5. Deck the Halls - Ottmar Liebert
6. Father Christmas - the Kinks
7. Santa Clause is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen & the E St band
8. Baby Please Come Home - U2
9. The Chanuka song - Adam Sandler
10. Santa Baby - Louis Armstrong with Earha Kitt
11. Let me Sleep, it's Christmas Time - Pearl Jam
12.Blue Christmas - Elvis
13. The Piano has been Drinking - Tom Waits
14. Do they know it's Christmas - Band Aid
14.Run Rudolph Run - Chuck Berry
15. Linus & Lucy - Vince Guaraldi

Obviously this isn't all inclusive. I have about 80 files of various christmas-ness. This list is meant to be diverse. There is jazz, a bit of classical, an homage to our Jewish friends, and of course Elvis. Certainly add you own ideas at the bottom. The order of the playlist is pretty flexible, with the exception of #1 and #2. Those have to be there. Trust me.

The variations just on this list are nearly infinite. There are about 8 different rock and roll versions of 'Run Rudolph Run, but I find Berry's to be the definitive one. Elvis has three different Christmas CDs on the market (trust me, I have two of them) and frankly any Elvis song can be interchanged. This was the old pilled up and wasted Elvis, so I find them all pretty amusing. As for the Band Aid song, I am referrring only to the first one. There are at least 3 different variations on the Sandler 'Chanuka song' as he updates it every few years. You will have a tough time finding that Big Head Todd version of Feliz Navidad, but it is worth looking for. I got it as a mailer from my friendly local Clear Channel outlet here in Denver (Big Head Todd is from Denver, see) from KBCO last year. The Tom Waits song? True, it has nothing to do with Christmas technically. However, give it a listen and tell me it doesn't remind me of drinking with your relatives in some bizarro environment.

The Eatha Kitt 'Santa Baby' is certainly not rock, but the best Christmas song ever written. You are forbidden from making a holiday compilation and not using that track.

In closing, I should warn you. There is a glut of bad Christmas stuff out there. Here is your first hint, anytime any band for any reason makes an entire Christmas CD - stay away! Only Elvis is allowed to be that self indulgent. The NOW folks make Christmas Cds, but are always more pop than rock.