Friday Fives

1. Worst. Book. Ever. I am glad you asked. Because I have an almost completely useless degree in literature, I have read my share of turds. However, one always struck me as something so horrible that it deserves it's own paragraph right here and now. It was a book I was required to read for a modern literature class (well, this was about 1993-ish). This gem is called 'A Severed Head' by Iris Murdoch. The writing I guess was fine enough, I don't remember because it's been 10 years and I certainly have not revisited the book. The plot, wow the plot. Oh my god, the plot was the worst and most confusing piece of verbal diarrhea to be put to paper in the history of publishing (well, since the new testament anyhow). Reading it became laughable, because it read like a 'national enquirer'. The turns served no storyline purpose other than to titillate. But, at some point as the reader, I grew offended. I was offended the author would cough up such a hairball of foul mouse droppings at my feet and serve it to me with a straight face. I was just looking through all my books to see if I still had it, so I could regale y'all with a quote... but it is gone. Seems mean spirited, this piece... doesn't it. Yeah, well the author owes me, like, 10 hours of my life back. 2. If you pick three films that you love that no one else seems to know, what would they be? Harold and Maude, first and foremost one of the greatest films ever! Funny, disturbing, and a top notch soundtrack by Cat Stevens. Harvey - this is a 50's film featuring Jimmy Stewart as a terribly amicable drunk who keeps close counsel with a roughly 8 foot invisible rabbit named Harvey. The writing is great, the acting is top notch... and for an old black and white movie it is a timeless tale of character. a Fish Called Wanda - this one isn't an unknown, but I feel that Kevin Kline's character in the movie (Otto) is the best piece of comedic character acting in the history of film. Dude won a best supporting actor for that role, and when was the last time you can remember a comedy winning anything at the Oscars? 3. What's the most unethical and/or illegal thing you ever got away with? I'd have to think on that one, and I probably have some decent stuff repressed... so I will go with the fact that I have got behind the wheel more than once with too much to drink. It's more than stupid... it is super avoidable. I am learning from my mistakes as an adult... after watching about everyone I know getting one (a DUI). Update on that, just today Colorado lowered the legal limit for impairment from .1 to .08, which is closer in line with federal standards. 4. As usual, I'm running late for work. What do you do every morning before you leave home? very little. I handle coffee and breakfast at work, and I get my music fix on the way to work. I do have a ritual though, will that do? As I hit the door every morning I do a little pat-down on myself to check for cell phone, sunglasses (prescription), security badge, wallet, and keys. With those few things I can do anything in the world. 5. Write a haiku about how hot you are. 5-7-5, right? Challenge accepted! Holy Goddamn Shit If anything look hot as me no reason to live
via Roy

Boycott Disney

Just kidding. I mean, how could we boycott Disney if we tried? They own ABC, ESPN, and... well... Disney. Even with all my righteous indignation, I could never walk away from Monday Night Football. You should know though, they are EVIL. Disney has decided to completely shut down the release of a new movie because it criticizes the president. There is no real news here on many levels... you probably know that I love Michael Moore's work. It is no secret, I regard the man as a mentor. I have met him and seen him on multiple occasions. You probably also know that I am not on the president's short list of advisors. Anynow, Michael Moore put together another political documentary. This one, Farenheit 9/11, is about the long history of the White House's relationship with the Saudi's (er... hijackers). Also, it details the long time relationship between the Bush oil dynasty and the Bin Laden oil dynasty. The film is finished and will be screened in Cannes next week. You might note that Moore's last film, Bowling for Columbine, was the first documentary EVER to win best of show at Cannes. Well anyhow, the motives are arguable. The NY Times says it is because Florida (think Jeb Bush) could lose a buttload of tax money by angering Disney suits. The long and short of it to me is that enemies of George Bush are silenced! You thought Vince Foster was a scandal, let's take a look: When White House advisor James Woolsley criticized the president's intel on the WMD Uranium from Africa story, the president's possey outed the guy's wife as a CIA undercover operative. No, seriously... they put this woman's life in danger to make a point. This isn't Vince Foster type theories, folks... this is fucking batshit crazy fear type tactics that only Hunter Thompson could have envisioned. How about when Howard Stern (a longtime proponent of the war in Iraq) came back from a long weekend after reading Al Franken's book? Stern began to question the motives of the president and was quickly and immediately removed from all Clear Channel radio stations. Now a very succesful author (New York Times best seller list for 6 months) and hugely successful movie maker has been silenced. I guess I can only wonder this, what is it that Bush is afraid of us finding out? I mean, we know about the cocaine, the DUI, the ditched military service, him losing his pilots license, the lies about weapons of mass destruction, the horrible economy, the fact that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 ...(I think you get the point)? Then what more could possibly come out of this presidency worse than what we know? It makes me long for the days when the worst problem in the whole wide world was a blowjob our president got. No one died for that little lie. In closing, this is what we know about the president... and it terrifies me. So can you imagine what is in Moore's movie that he doesn't want us to know? Geesh that was long, my apologies. However, know that I am aware I started with a piece on Disney and ended with another Bush bashing piece. I guess the moral here is that dude is ruining EVERYTHING. I wish I was sitting here argiung about the best solo in rock, like my contemporaries... but we can't stop or smile or breathe until we get rid of this president. take care, we'll talk on Friday... I don't have any more energy for moral outrage for at least another day.

Don't forget, everything is probably good with you

Hey all, you know I take this the opportunity to usually bitch and complain about stuff. For example, you know I hate this president, and... often I am funny. Don't forget though, that things are good for us. By virtue of you reading this, it tells me that you are either at home on your computer, or at work. Well, if you are at home then you are safe and warm. You clearly have shelter, electricity, free time to peruse the internet, and some disposable income. Unless you are online looking for food recipes, I'll also assume you are fed. Life is clearly good then, is it not? If you are at work, you are employed! Lemme tell you, that is something these days! If you are a veteran to my site, you may remember my pices on offshoring, or my many litanies about being laid off (thrice, but I swear I am almost over it!). So, seriously, by the very fact you are reading this means things are better for you than probably 90% of the world. Be glad and be a good person, because you have so much more than you realize going for you. You have me! So be good, and know that to close I won't sell you out like some shitty chain mail. I absolutely can't stand things that end like this: 'if this meant nothing to you, please delete.... but if this touched your heart, please send it to five friends". Goddamn, I hate that horseshit. Don't worry, keep your job and take care of your friends. In the meantime, here is all you need to know - I love you, and vote Democrat!