Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, February 22

Friday Fives

1. If you were a crayon, which color would you want to be?

Purple. Wanna know why? Because there was never ever a purple crayon. I thought that was so stupid. The closest they came was 'violet'. I mean, even if you got that sweet ass box with the sharpener built right into the back... still no purple. So, to me growing up, purple was a sign of individuality and 'sticking it to the man'. Also, there are no words who rhyme with Purple.

2. Which color do you think you would be regardless of what you wanted?

certainly not orange. Since I grew up in Phoenix and was always outside in the pool, I was a tan little bugger. So, I guess I will be skin cancer brown.

3. Would you rather be used and get blunt, broken and lose your wrapper, or not be used and stay pristine?

Oh baby, is it better to burn out than to fade away? I am having more blunt causing moments these days than I care to admit. Remember what Shakespeare taught us, though. Tis better to have been used as a crayon a bit too much, then never to have made it out of the box.

4. Would you rather be in a small set of crayons or a large set?

I am a small, specific, and unique set. I am more useful than you remembered, and often tough to find. I contain almost entirely great memories, even if I am a two trick pony.

5. Would you rather be Crayola, or a different brand?

crayola, of course. I mean, being unique is swell and all, but who wants to be an off brand? Remember when you would ask your mom to buy you oreos and she would come home with those Hydrox? She would try and tell you it was the same shit, but you knew it wasn't. I don't ever want to be Hydrox, or even anything carob. Carob! What the hell was that stuff? Did America run out of chocolate in the 80s? Because I sure remember being offered carob much more than I cared for.

You! Go eat here

Hey, All y'all know I don't do endorsements for anything. You may also know in our five years together... I have never pimped a restaurant. Not once. It's not my thing. I don't like to go out and eat. It is too expensive, and I am a rockin' good cook anyhow. That being said, you need to first get to Denver, Colorado. I am not sure where you are, but you should be here. This is the best city, and to me it offers everything. So, get to Denver. Ok, you here? Good.

Do you like gyros? Just kidding, of course you do. I am a connoisseur (let's hope spell check catches that one, eh?) of gyros. I have had them from San Diego to New York City to the coast of Spain. I loves me some gyros! I love everything about them... even the word. People will say 'there are many ways to pronounce it'. No, there aren't. There is only one way, so learn it else risk looking like the intolerant racist ass that you are. It is pronounced 'year-ose'. Got it? If you say "Jie-rosh" or "gee-rose" I will punch you in the baby maker.

Now that we are in Denver and we know we want good gyros, where do we turn? There are a lot of places that make swell gyros, as Denver is a delightfully diverse place. The correct answer, though, is 'Pita Jungle' off University. They make the most heavenly gyros on the planet, and I mean that. I mean, in five years this is the first time I have brought up food... so that should carry some weight.

Now when I say 'Pita Jungle' off of University by the school, everyone says "Oh, you mean Jerusalem's". You are wrong, though. I am NOT talking about Jerusalem's. They are fine, but nowhere near the caliber of gyro that Pita Jungle provides. Besides, admit it. You don't go to Jerusalem's because of awesome food. You go there so your friends think you are deep and multi cultural. That's ok, but I will make you deep and satisfied! Yikes, that came out wrong. You know me, normally I would reference a pic or website here for the place. They don't have a website. Why? They are too busy making great food of whatever nationality it is that they are. I honestly have no idea, and don't care. I am there for food, not a geography lesson.

The place is on University to the right as you are heading south just before hitting Evans. They are directly across the street from that Starbucks and Peaberry. So what makes such an important eating experience that I am cooing at 1 in the morning for? First off, their gyro is very simple. Grilled lamb and beef. Tomatoes slices, and lettuce gently wrapped in warm pita bread and lovingly touched with a yummy tzatziki (tahini) sauce. That's it. Secondly, it is cheap. $3.95, and if you come with an appetite you can knock down two of them easy. I had two of them yesterday and feel like young poets say they feel when they are in love.

Yes, I know about Pete's and greektown and Colfax and all that. Their food is great, and their hours even greater. Still, in the gyro department... it is too many toppings and not enough care. Because I spend much of my energy at home, writing for you... this is your only chance to meet me in person. Whenever I am running errands up in Denver, I always make a stop there. Ok, I am off to bed. First, though, I need to find a yummy google image of a gyro to slap up at the top of this.

Sunday, February 18

Some additional thoughts on Black History Month

Last week there was a local book store who was doing a seminar on black literature for black history month. This book store rocks, and is incredibly well respected in the community for good reason. I met Billy Corgan & Hunter Thompson there too. Anyhow, in their nice little ad they had pictures of all the famous people coming to town to sign their books. I looked at the picture beside the black history literature seminar thingy and saw... a white woman. You can imagine I flew into a liberal white rage fit. I thought that they couldn't even trust a black person to deliver a black lecture on black history in black literature. I thought this must be indicative of the black person's experience in life. Of course, I don't know shit about the black person's experience.

The more I thought about it, though, the more my perception on that completely changed. I think, instead, having a white person deliver a seminar on black history could be a great thing... a bellwether achievement. Why? Because to only have black people examine the black experience seems patronizing. To only use blacks in the process of this discussion would be to marginalize their impact and contributions to society. Am I making sense here? In college, I was working towards a lit degree. I took a class in black literature, and the teacher was white. He was great and passionate and taught me so much... and he didn't have to be black. He could still effectively appreciate and communicate what he had learned. In fact, it is possible he was able to give us additional insight as it filtered through his whiteness.

My point being this: I think Black History Month is something we all should discuss and celebrate... not just blacks. When it becomes something that we all embrace, only then we are making progress.