Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, April 23

A real hero

Hey all, I have been struggling with this all day. It's something I wanted to express but was not sure how to. We are talking about the sacrifice of solider Patt Tillman. There is a lot to be said about him. First off, he is a hero because he sacrificed his time, career, self, and ultimately his life to serve our country. Everyone who sacrifices themselves for our country is a hero without question. This story is a bit deeper though, because Patt gave up a million dollar a year job as a pro football player with the Cardinals to fight for the United States after 9/11. I do not mean to take away from the thousands of great people servicing our country now, but we must take special notice of Pat Tillman. I want to express this next point delicately, because it could be easily taken out of context. Many of the people in the services join because they have few other opportunities for whatever reason. For many in society, our military is a way out of misfortune. Some join because they have little choice, and they are great people because they are serving. But, Patt Tillman was super successful and living a lifelong dream when he gave everything up to serve. He did not go into the service as a pro-football player, a millionaire, nor a hero... but as someone who wanted to do their part. His character is something we can all learn from. Pat was given a chance with the Arizona Cardinals early on. Once he established himself with them he was offered a very lucrative contract for 9 milion dollars to sign with the world champion St Louis Rams. Instead he opted to stay at Arizona for a third of the salary because "The Cardinals took a chance on me, so I will take a chance on them." You didn't see that anywhere in Jerry McGuire did you? That is some insane loyalty, because the Cardinals suck. It was that kind of loyalty he demonstrated to us as Americans. After 9/11 he joined the Army Rangers and did no press about it. He asked not to be given any special or preferential treatment in the service, and so quietly he went to serve. He died today fighting for America, which puts all of this in perspective. For what these people do, we owe everything. My truck is dumb, my job is dumb, this blog is super dumb... none of that means shit compared to these people who are out there dying so I can sit and type in safety and comfort. This is why Pat Tillman is a hero, and our best wishes go to his family at this time.

Friday Five's

1. Where are you right now? Weather? Temperature? at work. It's a perfect 72 degrees in here. However, outside the snow storm rages on in it's 16th hour. By the way, Roy... you sit right next to me. Why don't you just ask me these questions yourself? This whole thing about only talking through the internet is kinda creepy. We still on for lunch? 2. What have you lost recently? What were the consequences? more interesting is what I found. I found a mailbox key in my slacks the other day that I clearly hadn't worn for about a year. We spent days looking for that key, as it was our only mail key. After about four days we broke down and paid the post office $15 to install new locks. We were out of our mail for like a week. It's good now though because they gave us 3 keys. The biggest thing about finding the key in my pants is I had to admit it was 100% my fault for losing it. Oh yes, Virginia, lost mail keys come with some pretty heated arguements. 3. What was the first CD you ever purchased? Does that embarrass you now? First CD was Red Hot Chilis... Mothers Milk. Am not remotely embarrased. However, I was about 5 years late to the CD revolution and grew up on cassettes. So a better question would be what was my first cassete purchase: Van Halen 1984. Man what a great record, and perhaps the coolest cover in memory. That baby with the angel wings and the cigarette, this was high level rebellion to a 12 year old. Now a washed up David Lee Roth turns up in cameos on the Sopranos. Is this full circle? Man, being a grown up can be weird. 4. Fountain or Ball Point? ball point, without question. Also, I refuse to use pencils. And it's not just because I am never wrong (reference the page name here, Sherlock). I just hate pencils: the feel of them, the noise they make, how the writing looks after. There is no class to the operation. Maybe I am just hashing through school testing phobias of childhood. While we're here, are there any other kind of pencils than a #2? What the hell was that about? My brother Jimmy is in jail now for using a #3 on his SAT test. 5. Crest or Colgate? Crest, that cinamon stuff that Emeril is currently hocking on TV. It tastes a million times better then the spearmint crap we have been fed all our lives. How is it that just now we're able to flavor toothpaste with something other than mint? I mean, come on America! It's not like we pushed the toothpaste issue on the back burner to cure cancer. No sir, what science has been doing for the last 20 years is making artichokes smaller ever year while still charging the same price. via Roy's page.

Wednesday, April 21

The constitution sure is Rad!

Isn't the constitution great? It sure is buddy. It's what makes America what it is today! You know what is even better? The Amendments - they sure are: they stopped slavery, gave everyone the right to vote, got us booze back, gave us the fifth amendment (maybe it's me using that more than others), protects free speech (like this crap)... and most importantly protects our guns, right? Yay for our guns! I am so tired of liberal weinies and democrat pussies trying to take away the sacred second amendment. Yup, amendment 2 says not just should you have guns... but you should really start a militia. Yup, can't argue with that, it's bulletproof! Any good American would agree it's the greatest writing ever done... well maybe after the bible. Good news though, my little conservative friends: the constitution and its amendments also protect gay marriage! You have may been waffling on this issue, being as though both Sen Kerry and President Bush are against it. But some would say it is a civil right, just as voting or holding land. Good news, don't even give the issue a second thought. Gay marriage is protected by these very same wonderful documents. Well mister, if you are going to wave that goddamn second amendment around every two seconds... then meet my little friend Article 10. It says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the constitution are reserved to the States respectively". So I went looking to the constitution to see the stance on marriage. Guess what? The term marriage is not mentioned in the entire constitution once. So, I checked the amendments and the word marriage was never mentioned once there either. So, by definition of Article 10 we must surmise that the issue is left up the states. This is a NON NEGOTIABLE point if you believe in the constitution. Consequently, it is neither Senator Kerry's or President Bush's concern about marriage... of any kind. Nutshell: if you believe in the rights to guns and booze, you best believe in the inalienable rights of gays too. Also know that if you seek an amendment to the constitution in order to patch up this loophole, you will also be forever eliminating this wonderful thing called state's rights. If you know your paranoid militia heritage (reference article 2 here), then surely you know the erosion of state's rights is about the worst possible thing that could happen to our democracy. Sorry for the heaviness. We'll do some dick jokes later in the week.

Tuesday, April 20

Register to Vote here

All, I have been thinking the last couple months how to address and drive home importance of your participation in society. I want you to vote, and I wanted to get that across with monster urgency. And, if possible, still be funny. Screw all that, just vote! Here is a terrific link that begins the process for you to register to vote if you are not already. It is free and it is easy. Also, most DMV's allow regsitration to vote whenever you renew your license. Please forward this information to any friends or family not registered to vote. I think we can get circulation of the blog up to 2! Believe it or not, it isn't even important who you vote for... as it is that you simply vote. If we can show politicians that people under 40 vote, maybe they will listen to us. Even if you want to vote for the devil, that is ok. See, you thought I was going to throw a George Bush link in there for 'devil', didn't you? That would be too pedestrian. In the meantime, please know this: If you do not vote... whatever your reasons are, I will kill this dog! and one more thing, America... I met baseball great Goose Gossage this weekend. Now let's see Mr. Fabulous top that!

Monday, April 19

What I know

When I was 21, I remember looking back at myself in high school and how cool I thought I was at the time. I realized after some life experience of living on my own in college and stuff that I didn't know shit when I was 16. I felt wiser and more superior than my 16 year old self. Now in my early 30's I look back and realize I positively didn't know shit when I was 21. I had just gotten a little better at squeaking through school, scoring girls, and drinking (my main priorities at the time). What a waste of time, when I could have been learning more, or traveling more or... scoring more!. So I just want to save myself the troubles of the inevitable discovery coming when I am 40 and I'll say it now. I don't know shit about anything at 32. I'm just a damn fool bluffing my way through life. Don't tell anyone, especially my employees! Have a great week and we'll talk again soon.