Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, March 10

Friday Fives

1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?

My belly. His name is Paul G Otterfeld esquire. However, in the last year I have lost about 15 pounds... so I am making strides.

2. What are two things you love about your body?

my big shoulders and my johnson, whose name is Dr Jameson Bunson Filibuster.

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?

Well, we just went through a big remodel and so everything is almost perfect. That being said, I want a big flat screen TV and new carpet for the basement.

4. What are four books you want to read this year?

the Great Gatsby. I don't really read books at all anymore. It's tragic because my degree is in literature. I seriously burned out on books because of it though. In high school I had crazy passion for books.

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?

to work out and lose weight, to dress better, to volunteer more, to be more professional in my communications (at work), and... to stop killing hookers.

Thursday, March 9

Just in case

As a public service, I wanted you to know you will probably have knee surgery in your lifetime. Yup. I did it, so has every guy I know (and two dogs... seriously). When that day comes, they are going to ask you if you want a 'donor' ligament, or your own tissue. For about a thousand reasons... you do not want a donor. 'Donor' means "from a dead dude". That isn't the worst of it either. A story broke today out of New Jersey that the 'donors' in question were harvested after their death for parts. No, really... read here.

It gets stranger. Because these organs were not handled by medical professionsals, they weren't screened. A Florida woman may have contracted AIDS from illegallyt harvested tissue. See, when I got my knee done I also did not chose cadaver donor. The reason for me was much simpler; there was this horror movie where a lady got like an eye and an arm donated from a dead executed killer guy. Let's let Amazon explain the rest:
Tagline: The transplant was a success. Then the donor came to take it back. Plot Synopsis: When Bill Chrashank loses his arm in a car accident, the arm of an executed death row inmate is grafted on in its place. The only problem, as Bill soon discovers, is that the arm is possessed by a force he cannot control.

I got enough problems, mister. I don't need no dead dude coming after me or ruling my deeds from beyond the grave. So, unless you want a dead evil guy with AIDS making you vote Republican... do not choose 'donor'. By the way, in light of all that paranoia, I am still listed as a donor on my drivers license. Please don't kill me.

Monday, March 6

Briefly, the Oscars

The Oscars were right tonight. They were right to award 'Crash' best picture, and not Brokeback Mountain. I will tell you why, first... I have seen both. I thought Brokeback Mountain on the whole sucked. It had nothing to do with the gay at all. I didn't like it because the storyline went nowhere, and certainly never got resolved. Our characters did not grow as people over the story, either. It has half acted, in my eyes. The best thing about that movie was the way it was filmed, which was crazy impressive. How that movie wasn't nominated for 'best cinematography' is beyond me (as are many things).

That being said, I just watched Crash last weekend. I don't even remember it being in the theatres, or a single commercial for it. Too bad, because that film was amazing. After I watched that film, I felt like I had been punched in the gut to hard I couldn't breathe. The acting was phenomenal, the writing was brilliant, the story was fascinating, and it kept being important until the end. It reminded me of Magnolia in the way it was a true ensemble cast. All huge stars in their own right, but only there to contribute their little bit to the story.

In fact, that is why I used to love Phillip Seymour Hoffman so much. He was a brilliant character actor, who didn't draw too much attention. But, he handled every role with passion and finesse. Remember him in Almost Famous as Lester Bangs? Remember him as that crazed escape pervert in Cold Mountain? Remember him as that creepy caretaker in Magnolia? How about as the even creepier AD in Boogie Nights? Those were all interesting and unique characters expertly played. I just came up with those off the top of my head. He was a regular William H Macy.

I speak of him in the past tense because tonight he deservedly won Best Actor. Problem with that is... no more bit part cameos. Now he is a huge important star and can only probably do action movies going forward. Also, me may already be a scientologist. Remember William H Macy? His name used to be the very stamp of great character acting. Sometime after Fargo he must have decided 'fuck it, I am cashing in'. I knew that very second when I watched the engaging film 'Cellular' on a plane flight to London and Macy showed up to collect league minimum for a phoned in performance.

Oh, and the best acted film ever? Forrest Gump. Have a great week, and we'll talk soon. That movie is so crazy good, though, it deserves its own entry.