Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, January 4

Friday Fives – doctor style

1. Are you afraid of hospitals. Why, or why not?

no, With hospitals come people waiting on me, giving me narcotics, and letting me sleep when I want.

2. When was the last time you were in the hospital for yourself?

I had this scary nasty staph infection that got real serious real quick. It was pretty freaky.

3. Do you consider yourself healthy overall?

I could be healthier, that is for sure. I need to shed 20 pounds in the new year, and I would be fine. Of course, I have been saying that for a few years now. It really shows when I see myself in pictures. I am fatter than I realize. Now I see why women are so vain about pictures.

4. Would you rather live underground by a cemetary OR live on the 20th floor of a building without elevators?

Frankly, I could use the exercise of the stairwell. Also, fire isn't really a phobia of mine... so I am not worried about that part. Here is the thing, the last few days I have had this brutal nasty cold that is almost debilitating. I couldn't imagine having to walk 20 flights when I felt like this. I would probably just never leave home. I have cable in this house, right?

5. How do you feel about universal health care, knowing that 50% of all bankruptcies come from medical bills?

Surely something can be done, a compromise at least. Frankly, I don't pretend to know enough about the economic impact... but surely sick people should be allowed to see a doctor without incurring a $5,000 emeregncy room bill.

Tuesday, January 2

In a parrallel world

This is a strange thought, that I decided to share with you. On the heel of this years Dead Pool entry, we in Denver lost a terrific and likable talent from our beloved Broncos. Darrent Williams died suddenly and tragically on new year’e eve. It was a strange and terrible event we are all coping with in our own ways. I learned when Hunter died that this is how I cope.

I am wondering just how things would have been handled had Gary Barnett been the coach when these tragic events unfolded. Do you remember Barnett? If you have been reading this site long enough, you know. Anyhow, Coach Shanahan was on TV today trying to talk to the media and the poor guy was crying. He said 'we lost a great guy, I mean... football is just a game. It isn't that important.' We love coach, I certainly do.

So without further ado, here is how (I imagine) Gary Barnett would have handled this if he were our coach:

reporter: Coach, can you tell me how the team is doing since you learned about Darrent Williams tragic death?

coach Barnett: Yes, he wasn't that good a player.

reporter: have you spoke with the family yet?

coach Barnett: Yes, and I told them it was probably his fault

reporter: That seems a bit callous, coach

coach Barnett: he was an asshole, and he was gonna get cut in the off season anyway

Seriously, y'all, that is how he handled things. We never fired him for any of the sex, drug, prostitution, underage drinking, embezzlements, or rape cover ups... which were all true. Nope, Barnett got bounced after losing something like 70 - 3 on national TV. The worst part was we had to buy him out of his contact. What a douche.

So will I ever get off Barnett's ass? Not as long as I as I am a Colorado tax payer.