Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, June 11

Friday Fives

1.If you were forced to eat only one thing for an entire week, what would it be? I could eat Lasagna for a week 2. What did you sing in the shower this morning? It's raining men! 3. Describe your favorite T-shirt. I have a couple. One is a thick blue Ben & Jerry's shirt, and another is a cool Chaco sandal shirt. It has a rich purple color, and is a hearty thick cotton blend. I can't stand a thin cotton t shirt, they feel flimsy. 4. In the spirit of Spinal Tap and Catch 11, what should the Eleventh Commandment be? Good question: a thousand religions have said it, but none so well as Rufus from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. The 11th commandment is this
Be Excellent to Each Other
5. What book would you like to see turned into a movie? The Bible - it seems to be a best seller on the fiction market, but is simply too long winded to sit through and actually read

Tuesday, June 8

It's not Wal Mart

Hey all, I just had an epiphany yesterday. Many of you figured this our years ago, well I didn't. However, in the interest of personal accountability we need to talk about something. We all like to say that Wal Mart is crushing the Ma & Pa businesses that make our country rich and diverse. Now, Wal Mart does suck largely on labor issues... but they have not shut down a single business. We have shut down these businesses by shopping at Wal Mart. So instead of bitching about everything being a chain, shop and eat locally!

A few words on Texas

Seriously you guys, what is the deal with Texas? I was there this weekend, and I can only say this: it was exactly as I imagined it. This is not a plus, my friends. Texas is weird. I would say it is like its own country, but that is exactly what Texas wants to hear. How can I describe Texas to someone who has never been there? Lemme try this: Texas is this guy you know from school. He is a total dick, but you can't really ignore him because he is really influential for some bizarre reason. Texas constantly refers to himself in the third person, which is the worst. There is no one on earth who is more interesting to Texas than himself, Texas. Texas begins every sentence like this "Well, you wanna know what Texas thinks?". Your buddy Texas also calls everyone who doesn't have a severe gun collection either a faggot or a commie. Either one seems to fit Texas fine. It seems everyone in Dallas drove a car with a Texas related sticker on it. I mean, their football team is called... are you ready for this... The Houston Texans. Dude, we get it already, you like Texas. This is an example of some of the many frightening little sociology lessons I got while I was there: I spotted this bumper sticker: I'm not from Texas, but I got here as quick as I could. Don't worry, I assure you that no one is looking to take your place away or bring you any closer to ours. You win, Texas is all yours! Y'all are fuckin' nuts! To be fair, I actually just spent a pretty great weekend in Dallas... but that doesn't mean Texas doesn't suck (because it does). See, I actually had to take a road called "President George Bush Parkway" to get out of the airport. Since I think our president is a supreme dill-hole... this wasn't a great first impression for me. But, the people of Dallas were pretty decent to us. If you are interested, here is why I was in Texas for the weekend. Plus, I went to see the grassy knoll Kennedy site which was extremely cool.