Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, November 11

Friday Fives

Today we have a kind of special fives for you, because Roy... well this isn't the place or the time to talk about it, ok? Let's just say today's 'fives' aren't from Roy, and leave it at that, ok? Maybe they never will be again, unless somebody wants to start apologizing pronto.

One day, when I am in a better place, I will tell you all what happened. Look for a post similarly titled to 'Roy is total stupid jerkface and I hate him and I don't even care if he dies and I thought we were friends and he went and told Jenny and I SO hate him and I don't even know how we were ever friends'. Anyhow, it will begin something like that. So, in lieu of Roy's contribution (I won't say his name! Not until he apologizes!) we found some new fives -

1. Where are you right now?

Right here, in the basement of my house in Denver. People often ask, 'when you say my basement, is that a metaphor for your mother's basement?' or 'when you say wife, do you really mean your mother'? or 'when you say discussing with Roy do you really mean watching old star trek tapes and talking to yourself?' or 'is it true you are a 32 year old virgin? To be truthful, the answer to the above is a resounding YES.

2. What time is it?

11:45 pm Thursday, am having a vodka cocktail and listening to some recently downloaded tunage. See, being dial up, I have to run my peer to peer stuff all day to download stuff. Today we downloaded some Cake, Tom Waits, and New Radicals. (ed note: it's 12:40 am and we haven't gone to final draft yet. He has re-written everything twice, and completely disappeared to watch John Stewart upstairs. In case you wondered, this is how College Lit interns have to start out in the business. He calls me rookie, how catchy. What a dick.)

3. What are you wearing? What kind of question is that? Are you hitting on me? Well, in the interest of narcissism, I will answer. I am in a nice Polo button of up from work. Am also in nice wingtip suede loafers from work. However, I am in tacky shorts because in between work and home I stopped at the gym to do some swimming. The only 'street' clothes I happened to have packed were these shorts. Basically, I look like a total spaz... is that what you wanted to hear? 4. Any people or animals around you? Describe them. Yes, a decent array in fact. Directly behind me sleeping on the floor is my wonderful and dumb dog Max. Don't worry, you will see about a million pictures of him over time. He will be the Golden Retriever that will turn up every Monday. In fact, I have just decided that Mondays are now 'Max Mondays'. Let's begin now. That is my beloved Max over there on the left. He is about five, and dumb as a stump! I love him. On the back wall, about 20 feet behind me is my fish tank. It is a 55 gallon aquarium with all kinds of stuff. We got two suckers (Plecostomus), a rainbow shark, a bala shark, several large beautiful goldfish, two snails, an angel fish, and a couple of others I don't know the name of anymore. Also, the cat (Miles) is on the washing machine eating dinner right now. We keep his food up there so the doggies can't get at it. I guess that shows you how much we do laundry. 5. What are your plans for the weekend? Saturday afternoon I have Red Cross CPR & First Aid class all day. I mean all day - 8 am to 6 pm. Saturday evening we are having a party for the wonderful Chuck who will be in town for the weekend. As for Sunday, I am stumped. There is no 2 pm Broncos game to revolve the day around. It is supposed to snow all weekend, so I'll probably laze around and root for any football team on TV that is AFC but isn't AFC West. Make sense? Oh, and shoveling lots of snow. I have learned too often (the hard way) if you let it accumulate, you are doomed. We must have zero tolerance on snow accumulation on the driveway... else the terrorists win! * sweet sassy molassy those were terrible questions. My apologies, reader. Turns out this whole 'internet' thing has non-porn applications... so I am just catching on now.

Blog spamming?

I got an interesting e mail, interesting in that none of you swine ever write me. It was an offer/ solicitation from a car company. They were saying how great alternative fuel cars were and as a responsible blogger, I should do a piece about it on my blog. It was in all sense a form letter, except I think the writer mentioned my blog by name, and my real name (Kevin) which I keep as a very carefully guarded secret after spending a year working in a fraud. Whoops, there it is... my name is Kevin. If the good people of Toyota know it, you might as well too.

There was also a caveat they dangled, the winning blogger entry had a chance at winning a Toyota ___ * (message blocked to keep me from being a total whore). I wish I had saved it, but I discarded it promptly before I got to thinking about its significance.

I have to admit, at first when I read the e mail I was flattered. I knew I had finally broke through to the masses with my message. About 30 seconds later, I deleted it.

We know that the ad game is hurting because us young folk spend as much time on the internet and gaming as we do on TV. I want you to know, dear reader, that I would NEVER sell you out for anything less than... like... forty bucks.

* an interesting side note: in running a spell check on this piece through MS Word, I was repeatedly told that 'blogger' is not a word. Well, I guess we see where Microsoft stands on the issue of popular and free web expression. For the love of me, change your browser to Mozilla. I did, and I am loading porn like 30% faster. That means something when you are dial up. There is only one reader I whore for, and that is you, America.

Wednesday, November 10

What a year

It has been a year since I started this endeavor. I am getting more comfortable with HTML and creative writing, so always expect better. A lot has changed here, what is new with you? Just kidding, no one cares. Get your own web site. 2005 is going to be most excellent, at least for me. Thanks for reading. Without you, the reader, everything would still be the same. Don't flatter yourself. Sorry, I can't help but be a wise-ass. It is genetically installed. Thanks for reading, and I'll have new content up no later than Friday. I am still hashing out some new features for the blog, including photos and weather. However, the heart of 'I am Correct' will always be my ranting and mis-informed screeds. I will try not to keep the site too aesthetically busy to distract from that. I do want to add more features to give the site a well rounded feel, without spending a dime. Stay warm, Lono

Tuesday, November 9

Here I am - unmasked

Well, it is has been nearly a year that we have been together. After absolutely no requests whatsoever - I have decided to show myself. There I am on the left. I know many of you reader prefer color, but I thought the black and white was more dramatic. We have some pretty exciting things coming up in the next year, which include the ultimate acquisition of... well it is a secret. Let's just say our growth rate will be somewhere between that of KMart & Wal Mart for 2005.