Van Hagar

It's damn near official > Van Halen are back together with Sammy Hagar. Sadly, David Lee Roth was available for comment: "I am still checking my caller ID. I am sure they would have called me first. I must have missed the call while I was at my therapists office. That band is nothing without me, I made them. This one time I even wrote a lyric that got onto an album for the band". A press statement was released by Roth's union, T.S.H.O.R.C. (talentless singers hanging on and riding coattails) better known as the Courtney Love foundation and read by Roger Daltrey of the Who "both myself and Stevie Nicks are mortified that a better qualified and more talented individual was chosen to lead Van Halen. When Ringo finds out about this, he is going to hit the ceiling!"