Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Tuesday, June 8

A few words on Texas

Seriously you guys, what is the deal with Texas? I was there this weekend, and I can only say this: it was exactly as I imagined it. This is not a plus, my friends. Texas is weird. I would say it is like its own country, but that is exactly what Texas wants to hear. How can I describe Texas to someone who has never been there? Lemme try this: Texas is this guy you know from school. He is a total dick, but you can't really ignore him because he is really influential for some bizarre reason. Texas constantly refers to himself in the third person, which is the worst. There is no one on earth who is more interesting to Texas than himself, Texas. Texas begins every sentence like this "Well, you wanna know what Texas thinks?". Your buddy Texas also calls everyone who doesn't have a severe gun collection either a faggot or a commie. Either one seems to fit Texas fine. It seems everyone in Dallas drove a car with a Texas related sticker on it. I mean, their football team is called... are you ready for this... The Houston Texans. Dude, we get it already, you like Texas. This is an example of some of the many frightening little sociology lessons I got while I was there: I spotted this bumper sticker: I'm not from Texas, but I got here as quick as I could. Don't worry, I assure you that no one is looking to take your place away or bring you any closer to ours. You win, Texas is all yours! Y'all are fuckin' nuts! To be fair, I actually just spent a pretty great weekend in Dallas... but that doesn't mean Texas doesn't suck (because it does). See, I actually had to take a road called "President George Bush Parkway" to get out of the airport. Since I think our president is a supreme dill-hole... this wasn't a great first impression for me. But, the people of Dallas were pretty decent to us. If you are interested, here is why I was in Texas for the weekend. Plus, I went to see the grassy knoll Kennedy site which was extremely cool.


Anonymous Armus said...

Texas: We joined the US 'cause we were afraid of Mexico.

5:22 PM  

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