Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Monday, July 12

my offer to the all bugs



Dear bugs, you are not welcome in my house. This is probably born more out of fear and intolerance than proper understanding of bugdom. For that, I apologize. You should know though if you are in my house, for any reason, I will kill you. You will die, because I am freaked out... especially by spiders. In return, when I am in the wild (meaning, anywhere outside my house) no harm will come to you. None!

We are here to talk about bugs. While I was in the bathroom reading, another spider crossed my path. He was quickly dispatched with, but not before I re-iterated our agreement (I am not a monster, after all). It then occurred to me that the animals and bugs of the world might not know about the agreement, or did not trust my word. Not sure which is worse, really. Fair enough, so here I will commit it to the internet... which makes it way binding and official and stuff.

I will rescue bumble bees from swimming pools, and even set a bunny free that my cat had brought in. I will also lobby my human peers to be respectful of you in nature, in return... stay out of my house. Let the record reflect I am mostly tolerant of your kind, and in fact plan to see Spider Man 2 as soon as it is no longer a special engagement. Deal? Deal!

* btw, I would like to claim an upfront exemption regarding my love of fishing, and the wasp trap in the backyard. Other than that, though, no killing. Ok, ok... pretty much any wasp anywhere is getting it from me. Sorry wasps, you are out of the deal. Oh yeah, one last thing; the house is a mobile concept. If I am in a hotel room or tent, same rules apply... and you are dead! In fact, if I am wearing a really big hat... that too could be construed as a domicile for tax purposes... You get the idea, bugs, watch your ass!

* update - I learned something interesting about wasps.  They don't serve the ecosystem.  Like, snakes and spiders and bees are horrible, but all have a very specific role to play in nature.  Not wasps.  They are just assholes, and that is a scientific fact, y'all!


Post a Comment

<< Home