Why Pre-season NFL matters

Dear friends, it is apparent to me that I am the only person in America watching pre-season football right now (specifically, the Broncos). All day long I hear stuff like "preseason is like kissing cousins, it doesn't count" and other suck folks wisdom gems like that. I have to disagree for a couple of reasons. One, these football players are playing every second for an entire career. If dude misses a big play and drops the ball in a pre-season game, he will be cut the following Tuesday morning. He will most likely never play in the NFL again, after one botched play. That is serious shit. Go to a musician and tell them if they don't hit that F# aug 7 right in the bridge they will most likely never get a chance to play that instrument again... ever. The second reason it's great is they are also auditioning announcers during pre-season. During last Friday's Bronco game I heard these phrases come out of the announcer's mouth:

he got shoelaced

he just got ichobod crained!

He just got tree horned!

I guess I don't know a lot about football. Wait, yes I do... and this is total jibber jabber. Maybe they are tying to invent their own catch phrases, I don't know. Anyhow, we have only this weekend left for pre-season football. I urge you to watch your local team. Not just cause everyone who jacks up a play is going home the next day, but because you too might hear some of that hack journalism these failed jocks push on us. It is pretty entertaining.