Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Tuesday, November 2

Election Day and the cell phones

Congratulations reader, we made it to election day. You probably know that the They of the world say the election will be a dead heat and drag on for months. Here is why they are wrong. For whatever reason, and I am sure you have heard this, cell phone users are not being polled. There are over 100 million cell phones active in America today, I know... I am in the business. Well, just this weekend it finally occurred to someone to take the pulse of the cell phone users of America. As you may have surmised, they are overwhelmingly Democrat (young, mobile, educated, and aware... who else would they choose). Specifically the numbers of cell phone users (just released Monday) are 55% for Senator Kerry vs 40% for President Bush. In the world of politics, that is a landslide. Oh, the other 5% were typing emoticons into their responses when they crashed their car into a tree. Now, the numbers can be used however you want. I am going to give my assessment, being as though 'I am Correct' and all. Grab a pen, and follow along. The average poll released contains roughly 1200 participants every time. In order to get 1200 participants, the average of people who have to be called is 10,000. This is not arbitrary info folks, because
  1. this statistic comes straight from the mouth of master pollster John Zogby, and
  2. I wanted to see if I could toss off 'arbitrary' and sound smart. Someone look that one up and tell me how I did.
Let's be super conservative (a phrase not often uttered here) and say just 10% of those people vote as they did in responding to the cell phone poll. Knowing as we do that somewhere between 5% and 15% of Americans have no landline at all... I think 10% is a fair number. On a side note, Mark Twain taught us there are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. So we have at least 10 million votes no one has accounted for. Six out of ten of these votes will go to Kerry. That is 6 million more Kerry supporters than are being counted now, and two million Kerry votes not being counted until tomorrow night. Also, in polls, people who didn't vote in the last election are not counted. That is the 'likely voter' clause you see in the polls. So, we are also not counting anyone young basically. long, boring, but passionate, story short... I feel confident and hopeful that Senator Kerry will win today. I do mean today. I hope to know who the president will be before I go to bed. So do vote today. Know that your vote counts. Here is why: if you are a Dem, let's show those bastards a true mandate from the people for change. I am talking about a Kerry in a Landslide. If you are a Repub, your dude is going to lose big time if you don't get out there and vote. I am hoping that your dude is going to lose big time regardless, but only your vote can make otherwise happen. If you are a Repub, you really need to be out there early intimidating blacks and harassing other minorities. No matter what or who, I don't want to spend the next 3 months arguing and listening to lawsuits and all that jibba jabba. We have ALL had too much of this election. Vote today and let's get it behind us. One last thing, have fun standing in line in the freezing cold for Democracy, chumps... I voted weeks ago.


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