Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, November 11

Friday Fives

Today we have a kind of special fives for you, because Roy... well this isn't the place or the time to talk about it, ok? Let's just say today's 'fives' aren't from Roy, and leave it at that, ok? Maybe they never will be again, unless somebody wants to start apologizing pronto.

One day, when I am in a better place, I will tell you all what happened. Look for a post similarly titled to 'Roy is total stupid jerkface and I hate him and I don't even care if he dies and I thought we were friends and he went and told Jenny and I SO hate him and I don't even know how we were ever friends'. Anyhow, it will begin something like that. So, in lieu of Roy's contribution (I won't say his name! Not until he apologizes!) we found some new fives -

1. Where are you right now?

Right here, in the basement of my house in Denver. People often ask, 'when you say my basement, is that a metaphor for your mother's basement?' or 'when you say wife, do you really mean your mother'? or 'when you say discussing with Roy do you really mean watching old star trek tapes and talking to yourself?' or 'is it true you are a 32 year old virgin? To be truthful, the answer to the above is a resounding YES.

2. What time is it?

11:45 pm Thursday, am having a vodka cocktail and listening to some recently downloaded tunage. See, being dial up, I have to run my peer to peer stuff all day to download stuff. Today we downloaded some Cake, Tom Waits, and New Radicals. (ed note: it's 12:40 am and we haven't gone to final draft yet. He has re-written everything twice, and completely disappeared to watch John Stewart upstairs. In case you wondered, this is how College Lit interns have to start out in the business. He calls me rookie, how catchy. What a dick.)

3. What are you wearing? What kind of question is that? Are you hitting on me? Well, in the interest of narcissism, I will answer. I am in a nice Polo button of up from work. Am also in nice wingtip suede loafers from work. However, I am in tacky shorts because in between work and home I stopped at the gym to do some swimming. The only 'street' clothes I happened to have packed were these shorts. Basically, I look like a total spaz... is that what you wanted to hear? 4. Any people or animals around you? Describe them. Yes, a decent array in fact. Directly behind me sleeping on the floor is my wonderful and dumb dog Max. Don't worry, you will see about a million pictures of him over time. He will be the Golden Retriever that will turn up every Monday. In fact, I have just decided that Mondays are now 'Max Mondays'. Let's begin now. That is my beloved Max over there on the left. He is about five, and dumb as a stump! I love him. On the back wall, about 20 feet behind me is my fish tank. It is a 55 gallon aquarium with all kinds of stuff. We got two suckers (Plecostomus), a rainbow shark, a bala shark, several large beautiful goldfish, two snails, an angel fish, and a couple of others I don't know the name of anymore. Also, the cat (Miles) is on the washing machine eating dinner right now. We keep his food up there so the doggies can't get at it. I guess that shows you how much we do laundry. 5. What are your plans for the weekend? Saturday afternoon I have Red Cross CPR & First Aid class all day. I mean all day - 8 am to 6 pm. Saturday evening we are having a party for the wonderful Chuck who will be in town for the weekend. As for Sunday, I am stumped. There is no 2 pm Broncos game to revolve the day around. It is supposed to snow all weekend, so I'll probably laze around and root for any football team on TV that is AFC but isn't AFC West. Make sense? Oh, and shoveling lots of snow. I have learned too often (the hard way) if you let it accumulate, you are doomed. We must have zero tolerance on snow accumulation on the driveway... else the terrorists win! * sweet sassy molassy those were terrible questions. My apologies, reader. Turns out this whole 'internet' thing has non-porn applications... so I am just catching on now.

3 Comments:

Blogger Roy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:33 AM  
Blogger Roy said...

Let the record reflect that the Plaintif sent the defendent said list of weekly Friday Fives (Fives) questions on Thursday, November 11, Veterans Day. Let the record also reflect that the Plaintiff is a Veteran whose ass should be kissed for performing said task on national holiday. And let the record further reflect that the Defendant, once in acknowledged possession of said Fives, the Plaintif is no longer obligated to provide parenting oversight to Defendant, whose career role in live is supervision, project management and task oversight.
To now fein anger and insult is an indication, the Plaintif believes, that the Defendant is incapable of performing basic life tasks, much less those of his chosen profession.
We ask the court to kick said Defendant's ass.
Also, the Defendant does not live in Denver.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Lono said...

Fuck you! See you in court - you'll still be over Sunday for quilting though, right?

11:27 AM  

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