Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Tuesday, January 25

Friday Fives... um... I mean Wednesday Fives!

Sorry all, was busy getting hot and tan and sexy last Friday. So, here is what you missed, and we'll have fresh ones for this Friday. Don't worry, I don't plan on going on vacation for at least another few weeks. How do I do all these vacations, you ask? I'll tell you a little secret - no kids. Now, on with the fun

1. All of the phone numbers have fallen out of your address book. Whose number do you look for first and why?

Well, this implies that I have memorized my own number, my wife's cell phone number, and my mom's number back in Arizona. After that, I go to the web and dowload every single number on my cell phone that I keep uploaded there for just that reason. I carry a Nextel, and manage my phone book online through Tried to stump on that on didn't you?

2. Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?

I thought 'bard' was a literary reference... at least regarding Shakespeare. I figure if I am using a box then my enemy is too. So, I would start hurling rocks at him'/her. Then, of course, run!

3. What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?

"Hey you kids, get off my lawn!"

4. The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:

How about a classic retelling of a very old SNL piece called "Mr. Mikes' least loved fairly tales". It is the story of little train who tried with all his might to make it up this huge and terrible hill. The train says to himself 'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can'. He repeats this little positive mantra to himself as he nears the very top of the apex. Just then, a family of frogs is crossing the rails down at the bottom of the hill. Soon, the train can't take it anymore, and starts yelling 'heart attack! heart attack! heart attack' as he loses control and careens back down the hill, killing all of frogs as the cross the track.

5. Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:

Cherry bomb


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