Oops, I did it again

What, you ask? I solved another one of your silly problems. I got a guy for you for Homeland Security. Jesse Ventura. He has a history of public service and is a Republican. Also, he speaks his mind totally and completely... I like that. Also, dude was a Navy Seal! Do you have any idea how hardcore those guys are? You don't. You can't even imagine because you are a pussy just like me. The Seals are the smartest and toughest human resource in the world. He has a million times more charm and charisma than Ridge did, so he can help schmooze and smooth our image. Oh, and as a wrester, dude can clearly pretend to kick ass. This adminstration could use all of those attributes.

In closing, I offer thanks to Dr King and his family for their contributions to all Americans. What Dr King did was for more than blacks, but for all Americans. We owe him a debt, and this is my small pittance and thanks.