Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, June 3

Friday Fives

1. If you could be famous for 15 minutes, what would the headlines read?

  • Sleepy world awakes to the vicious anti-human crimes and actions of the Republican administration and demands accountability.
  • Voters realize that terrorism has been made a smokescreen issue for a violently pro-corporate agenda, and gays have nothing to do with a single problem in the country.
  • Clear Channel decides to let listeners pick the music.
  • Tom Waits wins another grammy.
  • The amazing rock group Ween recognized with official title 'no, seriously... what is the deal with those guys?'
  • Republicans across the country demand their party back and scream 'Hey, whatever happened to our pillars of fiscal responsibility and staying out of people's personal lives'.
  • Ticketmaster folds, apologizes for being 'total dicks about the service fee thing'
yes, I'd take any two of these. Anything less would be a compromise to my values.

2. Do you think fame would change you?

Not a chance, man. I mean, sure, I'd make some modifications which were nearly invisible. First off, I'd leave this jerkwater town and get me some rich friends. I'd have a way nicer car, and wouldn't be bothered to write to you losers either. Near as I can tell, having money makes one no longer care about anyone on earth but themselves and their profits. Sounds great! Sign me up to be a Republican now. Other than that, deep down inside... I am the same kind, caring, and fun guy.

3. Has your name ever appeared in the newspaper? ..what for?

Where normally I would make a sex offender joke, I will give you the deep and introspective truth! My name has appeared in many papers because (suprise) I am voracious about my opinions and the wonderful Op/Ed boards of several states have heard from me on many an occasion... and so I make it to those pages in print often enough. My proudest moment was back in college. We had a paper called the Daily Sun. Some crusty cranky bastard wrote this whole formal half page article on how he hated kids and hippies and bikes. It was Flagstaff, AZ... which means it was almost entirely a population of hippy kids on bikes. Old Rusty called us 'scofflaws' and 'nervous nellies'. Then, he gave us shit for being faux environmentalists because we preached eco sensitivity yet sometimes chained our mountain bikes to trees. Well, that pissed me off to no end, for so many reasons. I worked for Greenpeace at the time, and did indeed live on a bicycle... and chained up wherever I could (see, it was my car at the time). Anyhow, I wrote back to the paper a delicious rant and forgot about it. Just like this site, I fired one off and moved along. I checked the paper for a few days to see if my piece had shown up and it hadn't. So I forgot about it. The reason it hadn't shown up is because they saved my piece (unedited) for an entire half page spread in the Sunday paper. I was so proud. The piece really got a response too! I had reporters and students calling me for my opinion. I was somehow regarded as the face, and the voice, of the bike lobby of Flagstaff. Truly, a great moment in the history of Lono ranting. I dare say if it wasn't for that small victory, I wouldn't have the confidence to be writing this great page today.

4. Would you like to be famous for *more* than 15 minutes?

gee: unlimited adoration, free drugs, affairs with hollywood starlets, being a fashion pillar (socks with sandals is cool, people!) and people asking my opinion about everything? yeah, I'd take that.

5. If you could perform one act of Good while you were famous, what would it be?

get the government back in the hands of working people.

Thanks, as always, to Roy for this week's fixins.


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