Friday Fives

1. Who is your mobile phone provider, and how many minutes are in your plan?

Nextel (now Sprint) unlimited minutes. I handle all of their lawnmowing and lawnmower servicing needs and am frankly well taken care of.

2. What program do you primarily use for instant messaging?

isntant messaging is for 12 year olds. Oh, and u r gay LOL

3. Who do you send and receive text messages from most?

no one, aren't you paying attention? Do you read this stuff? Is it not super apparent I don't have friends? It should be, you jerk.

4. What kind of PC do you have now, and what would you get if you could?

easy answer - a Dell, and a Dell. This Dell is the Dimenison desktop 4300S from about 5 years ago and I have never had any trouble with it. I had an HP before which sucked ass.

5. What year did you first get an e-mail address and do you still use it?

Well now that is the story I think we are all here for, seriously. Let me grab a cocktail for this one because it is too strange a tale to tell straight.

My first e mail address (outside of the default sucky PINE account I had at college) was lono@majordomos.com. Majordomos was a cybercafe nearby our apartment when we moved to Denver in 1997. I didn't have a computer for years, but needed internet access and and e mail addy to keep in touch with friends. One of those friends was the beloved Woody. You know him, he was best man at my wedding a few years ago. Anyhow, Woody was much more advanced in the way of computers than I was... as his dad worked for IBM. Also, Woody didn't know that Majordomos was a cyber cafe and instead thought it was simply a dial up provider.

So, one day I am checking my e mail and there are picture attachments from Woody which I have no idea how to open. So, I ask the cute manager of the store to show me how to open the jpegs. Cheerfully she assists me until the image loads. (taking large sip of cocktail, and so should you). The picture that then emerged would scar me and that lovely cybercafe manager for life. The photo in question involved two ladies. Both were nekkid. One of the women in question was photographed having a considerable bowel movement. (am taking another big drink here, and again so should you). That isn't the freakiest part, my friend. Oh no. The woman in question was taking a 'dump' directly into another girl's waiting mouth.

yup, true story. Woody thought it was a zany picture and passed it along. There is nothing unusual about guys doing these things. That manager lady just freaked! To her credit, she was SUPER apologetic. She walked away saying 'I am sorry, that wasn't my business, your account is your own account, please forgive me....' etc.

She felt genuinely bad that she had harshed my poo porn groove. I was then left in the extremely awkward position of trying to explain I am not a poo porn guy, nor did I even know such a thing existed. I backpedaled, she backpedaled. I don't think I ever went back there. It is possible that wonderful lady also never went back there.

Thanks Woody. At least I got a decent anecdote over it.