Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Tuesday, December 27

Where to hang your hat at the end of the day?


How about a Spring visit to Iyamkoreckistan? The crime is frankly considerable, though entirely non-violent. The weather? Miserable! Either too hot or too cold. If you want nice weather, dingus, move to San Diego. How about Democracy? Just kidding, you hack. There will be no Democracy because you have proven you can not handle it. Less than 50% of eligible adults voted in the last Presidential election. Oh, and the guy you voted for - dead wrong. Dead Wrong.

That being said, your leadership will be chosen by me. That being said, your leadership will actually be me. Health care will be provided based on a 'three strikes' system. Your first two doctor visits in any given year are free, a third visit results in immediate expulsion from the country. Housing will be provided, but you will have to live next to blacks and gays. Seriously, look at yourself. You really could use some diversity. Churches are fine if you want, form your own. However, they will not be tax exempt. In order to license your vehicle, it will have to get 30 mpg or better. Unlike my current truck which is a total Hos on gas.

quiet!

Do as I say, and not as I do. One last thing, any driver found not using their turn signal will be executed. No appeal on that one, and no exile. Any driver who feels it is not necessary to expend that half calorie to use a turn signal must be dead within 24 hours. Oh yeah, and gas will be $10 a gallon... because you drive way too much. We will have publicly subsidized rail and buses which will be free to every citizen.

deal?

You are welcome,
Lonus Rulus
Emporer and Grand Arch Council of the Qua

5 Comments:

Anonymous some_maineiac said...

hi, lono, i've been surfing to your site on occasion and heard about it at gonzo.org....

thank you for seizing the bull by the horns with your leadership, do you ever plan to institute elections again or will your new position be hereditary?

11:40 AM  
Blogger Lono said...

hmm, elections. I guess maybe I'll do this. Each election needs to have 75% of the electorate to participate for it to be valid. Anything less means a true majority was not represented. This means, of course, four more years of me!

2:48 PM  
Anonymous some_maineiac said...

to continue this discussion...i have had the vote for 30 years and can't remember a time when voter turnout was 75%...60+ back in my day was good...are you prepared to rule for the next 30 years? is there a vice-ruler in case of your premature demise?

6:05 PM  
Blogger Lono said...

Prepared to rule for 30 years? A vice leader in the wings? Unlike Congress, I won't have a body of folks doing nothing all day but making up new rules. The rules, like the constitution, will stand on their own. Fussing over the rules will be the job of the judiciary. There will be no legislative branch.

Nextly (I get to make up words in my new federation) - it is mostly me watching cable TV and playing guitar. As a citizen, you need not participate in those activities. You can do what the hell you want if you don't hurt anyone. I am just sayin', the executive branch will mostly be watching TV or camping (in case you need us).

Do what thou will, and that shall be the whole of the law
- Allaister Crowley

8:56 PM  
Blogger Lono said...

Oh, and the vice ruler will be my wife... or your wife. It certainly needs to be somebodys' wife... because I have no horse sense whatsoever!

8:58 PM  

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