Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, January 19

Friday Fives

1. What's your worst landlord story?

her name was Barbara, and she was evil. She was our landlord when we first moved to Denver. She was evil on, like, twelve different levels. She was so evil when we moved out we had legal counsel to deal with her. When you are making $7 an hour, getting a lawyer means some serious shit. I wish her nothing but hurt, because she profited of others misfortune. It got that bad. Her name is Barbara Hanson, she owns houses in the Capitol Hil area of central Denver.

2. What canceled tv show do you miss?

Greatest American Hero

3. Tells us a little about your home country. (Question stolen from an ESL study site. What fun this will be.)

Mine is a dark, grey, stormy place. It was once a great thriving economy, the gem of the Northeast. It was a hamlet named after the great magnificent American beast of the plains, the Bison. After the demamd for steel dropped, people began to realize that Buffalo was a miserable and cold place. Most of the wise folk imgrated West, leaving behind what are now known in local parlance as... my cousins. Now, I ain't talkin' shit about my cousins. I have the best family in history, any one of whom I would die for. It is just that... they live... in... Buffalo.

4. What are your top five traffic rants?

Do you mean 'what are my traffic pet pieves', or what do I scream at people? For the former, my biggest issue is people not using turn signals. Honestly man, even if you are turning into your driveway, use a signal. Even if you are in the clearly marked left hand lane, use a turn signal. If you are going to cut me off in traffic, at least warn me with a turn signal. It takes a brush of the pinky and maybe a tenth of a calorie. Even if you are on a dark country road in the middle of the night after the apocolypse and no one is left on earth... use a turn signal.

They say speed causes road rage, I profoundly disagree. I feel that 90% of road rage could be avoided if people simply signaled their intent. It really means that much to me. Of course, I have a bad history of aggressive driving and speeding tickets, so I ain't one to preach. As for the ladder, I am a lover and have nothing but love for my fellow commuters. Also, I live just a couple of minutes away from work. I encounter one stop light and one stop sign.

5. A person who does not like you and would have something to say, might say what?

being both fabulous looking, (and nearly faultless), I fear I have no gossip for you here friend. Maybe that I am too charismatic. Ok, ok... how about this. They might say, the bitter ones anyhow: drunken narcissistic phone monkey with a Napoleanic complex and a huge member

as almost always, the fives are presented bymy very good friend Roy.

Go Broncos!


Anonymous some_maineiac said...

your former landlady sounds like a rich person and an excellent candidate for political office where she can hone her skills...

buffalo ain't the northeast, bub, check a's north but it ain't east...

there is no road rage in maine, we still use cow paths...

10:14 AM  
Blogger Lono said...

Buffalo is northeast, from me... and almost everyone else in the country.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and they're no longer the Broncos...
They're now the Denver Bridesmaids

11:10 PM  
Anonymous some_maineiac said...

actually, i do agree with your opinion on the causes of road the place I used to live (Massachusetts), there is only a cutthroat sense of me first (by whatever means necessary), much finger-waving and no common courtesy...

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting. I am currently in a bind with Barbara Hansen. I signed a "paper" lease with her on Sunday of this week, found out my parents were in the hospital because of a car crash Tuesday night, flew home to Michigan. Called her on Wednesday to notify her of my situation and ask if my friend and I could somehow get out of the lease because I didn't know when I would be back to Denver. She said yes and that she would hold on to our security and NOT cash the checks. If she did she would call us to let us know. Today I go to the grocery store to get food and find that I can't because my card is declined. Soon after I get a call from my friend stating she called to talk to Barbara and that she cashed our checks for security. My parents are in the HOSPITAL in critical condition and this woman gave me her WORD she would let me know what was going on with the security and she would do what she could to help me out. She said so many different things and NEVER followed through with them. If you are reading this and going to rent from her DON'T do it. She also hangs up on you if you show any EMOTION. I can't believe this woman basically robbed me of $600.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Kevin Lang said...

to the person who left the last comment, about Barbara... please reach out to me. I think I can help, and can tell you many amusing and scary stories about her

If you go to my newer page - and go to the about page, you can find my email address.

10:57 PM  

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