Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, April 27

Friday Fives

1. Would you have one of your fingers removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases?

Well, first I have a question for you. Would this be a surgical removal and do I get to be unconscious? If so, then yes. You may have the pinky... right hand (I play guitar). Now, if you are saying you want to lop my finger off with some rusty plyers... I change my vote to no. Fair?

2. When did you last yell at someone? Why?

does traffic count? Probably not. I don't remember, but you can bet it was a dog. I love them, but they are often dumb and in the way. I should clarify: one is dumb, and the other is too old to move. So I yell.

3. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow?

not really. That seems icky, and cruel. Sure, I eat animals... but not if they are looking back at me.

4. Would you be willing to commit perjury in court for a close friend?

absolutely. My friends are my family.

5. What, if anything, is too personal to joke about?

golly, I have a pretty tough skin. I am very protective of my mother because she is the greatest mom in history. So, that would be a soft spot. Oh, one other thing I guess. My given birth name is Mortimer... so I catch a lot of shit for that.


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