Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, September 14

Friday Fives

1. It is the fall television season. What are your favorite shows. (And, no, you don't get to bow out with some fancy "I don't watch teevee, I am far to busy - that's BS, I know most of you - give it up what's your secret television indulgence?)

A long long long time ago, I used to get excited for the Sopranos. However, they make seasons like Boston makes albums. For those of you out there who are not rock snobs, that means once every 10 years. I am sick of waiting years and years for a ten episode season. I am over the Sopranos. That being said, the following shows will be automatically recorded and religiously watched on the DVR: Lost, The Office, My name is Earl, the Amazing Race. Other things I don't miss > anything by Alton Brown, Mythbusters, and I watch every single SNL.

2. I dig Fall and the autumn season. What's your favorite part about fall?

the heat finally subsiding here in Denver. We don't have AC, so July and August can get pretty punishing. I also like about fall... friggin everything! The trees turn colors, pro Football starts, the air feels funny, the Rockies just a few miles away turn white as they reach into the sky, and also because I have an excuse for being pasty and fat.

3. Would you rather be the world's greatest rhythm gymnast or the last man off the bench for the LA Clippers.

neither. I would rather be the world's greatest rythym guitarist. In fact, I may be... it is just that no one knows besides my dogs and fish. The cat says I am a half-wit who wouldn't know what to do with a metronome if it bit me in the ass. That is why I stopped feeding him. He is an asshole.

4. Cleaning the fridge this week I realized I have a peculiar amount of condiments. What is your favorite jelly/ toast spread.

nice try on the trick question. I don't eat toast because it is a breakfast food eaten at a breakfast time. I support neither.

5. Football time. Some of us actually like it. Some of us like it a lot. Favorite football tradition/good luck ritual?

there is a lot there, because football is the only sport I follow and care about. I am crazy for the Broncos. So, rituals? Well, I never watch a Broncos game without a team jersey on. Even if I am in bed or in the hospital, even if I am in Rich Stadium in Buffalo during a snow storm on crutches, drunk, getting hit with snowballs by drunken Bills fans... I always wear my jersey.

Another thing I like to do is make chili. Everything about Chili is football food. It takes forever to make, just like it takes forever to watch three football games back to back every Sunday. Because Chili is so labor intensive (if you do it right), it helps you get through those boring ass morning AFC games while we wait for the Broncos to come on at 2:15pm. Also, it is getting very cold out and chili is soul food. Not just pysically hot to hold in your cold fingers, but the spicyness is a good cut to your 13th beer that morning (hypothetically speaking, of course.)

Another ritual - if I am actually going to a game. This is rare because football is stupidly expensive ($80 a ticket, $30 to park, $5 a beer) that I only go about once a year. When I do, I go early. I am in the parking lot at least 4 hours early. This involves huge amounts of: beer, cold weather gear, food, ciggies, trash talk, and nerf footballs.

ok, last thing I promise. After re-reading your question, I saw 'rituals'. I may or may not have mentioned this in the Plummer piece, but I have never attended a game wherein the Broncos lost... ever. Every single Broncos game I have witnessed (from Phoenix, AZ to Buffalo, NY) has resulted in a Broncos win. Do you see where I am going with this?


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