Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Friday, September 29

Friday Fives

1. Given a choice, and imagining that money and time were no object, would you rather cook dinner, eat out or order in?

Oh, cook dinner without question. I love to cook, and find it amazingly satisfying. Favorite ingredients, and food found in almost everything I cook are: butter, onions, garlic, olive oil, peppers (any kind: green bell, serano, hatch, jalepeno) - just add meat and heat and you are in business! Also, it is getting cold out and football is here. No better reason to spend your early evenings indoors with friends and wine.

2. What is the most elaborate meal you've ever prepared yourself or purchased at a restaurant?

Back in college, I remember I made a dish I call 'Lono chicken'. It is a patented dish almost perfectly describe above, then I spoon it over angel hair. It is my stock dish, and I can create a variation of it in any kitchen in America with just a half stocked fridge. Anyhow, I made it for a date (throw in bottle of wine and fresh baked loaf of French Bread) and she was dazzled. Long story short, I didn't get laid... and she never found out that it was my one and only dish at the time. Not sure if that is a happy ending or not.

3. What food do you find yourself making and/or eating way too much?

making too much? No, we call it leftovers. In fact, I'd like some leftovers now. Problem is, my cooking is so damn tasty... it doesn't last in the fridge too long.

4. What was your most disastrous cooking/eating out experience?

hmm, let's reference question number two on that one. In retrospect, getting laid was more important than my budding culinary vulnerbilities. In fact, those same priorities remain in place. So, if you know a hot gal with bog hooties who only eats Chicken in peppersauce... send her on over. Come on, I know I'm married - can't I make a little nookie cookin' joke?

WAIT - stop the press! I have a memory better than starved libido. When I was a wee lad growing up in Phoenix, I had a run in with a pop tart. We had an aging toaster that I guess didn't spring like it used to. I put in a pop tart and went back to packing for Big Surf. I forget about the pop tart, until I smelled smoke. I ran to the kitchen, because that is where smoke seems to always come from. Big big big problem. The kitchen was on fire. See, the toaster did not expel the Pop Tart when it was done. So, the pop tart stayed in there and burned. In time, it generated flames.

Oh wait, it gets better. For whatever genius reason, we kept the toaster under the paper towel rack (mounted to the underside of the cabinet). The paper towels worked as a dream accelerant for the toaster fire. Within probably 60 seconds, the cabinets were on fire.

Enter me at this time. I grabbed the dishwashing hose spray thingy and heroically put the fire out. Everyone is safe, minor property damage. Then, I had to call my mom at work and tell her. This is why my mom is the raddest mom in all of the world. She was totally calm and understanding about it. She did not get mad at me at all (I may have been crying, don't remember). The best part was after the discussion of the fire, I asker her if I could still go to Big Surf that day. She said yes! My mom fuckin' rules!

5. Would you rather cook for someone else or have them cook for you?

Cook for them. I love to cook for my wife and company because they are invariably impressed that a man can do anything besides mac & cheese. Plus, I am crazy for presentation - which is half the battle in cooking.


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