Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Saturday, October 21

Akeela and the Bee

Producer Lawrence Fishburn stars in and produces a feel good story that reminds us of education and its part in our lives. Oh my god, did he not carry Star wars? The story brings us along a beautiful and precocious inner city girl Akeela (oscar bound Dakota Fanning). Without revealing too much of the tale, there is an impressive supporting cast that supports Akeela to show us all that family and friends make us all better. One such mentor in the story is Akeela’s principle, Booger. Remember Booger from ‘Revenge of the Nerds’? Oh my god that movie rocks. Remember that scene when that other nerd scored the hot girl because he was dressed up as Darth Vader and it was mistaken identity? Remember? Then, remember how she was like “wow, are all nerds that good?” and he was totally like “yeah”. That was sweet.

You guys remember when Booger was on that mountain, K12? He was going to help John Cusack’s character ski K12 to win back the love of his life? Then, remember how Booger was all “this is pure snow, Columbian gold. Do you know the street value of this mountain? It must be millions.”. That was rad, cause it was a play on the idea that ‘snow’ is street slang for cocaine. Then, remember that kid who was a paperboy and kept yelling about his two dollars? It was well placed, because of course the sheer absurdity of seeing such a secondary antagonist so late in the story arc really sold the gag.

See, the story turns around on itself, and becomes a mirror to all of us. To say it is a feel good story is almost to patronize it. At first, we sympathize with the nerds, and laugh at their quirks. Before we know it, we are empathizing with them? Know the difference? Careful, because I am about to blow your mind. To sympathize is to feel bad. To empathize is to know the experience. Yeah, wrap your noggin around that, poindexter – we like the nerds because we are the nerds.

Anyhow, I thought Akeela and the Bee is a triumph of the heart… and the mind. This little small town girl kicks butt and takes names in athe national spelling bee is more than family film, it is an 'American Story'.


Blogger Grainger said...

DUDE...Akeelah and the Bee is something I speak about almost daily as a part of my presentations. It is written for and about my high school English teacher Bob more and see pictures of the writer/director (who was a classmate of mine) at

My story of Akeelah is posted in the downloads section.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Lono said...

really, that is very interesting.

So, is it a true story? If so, they should MENTION that. Because I found it to be cliche ridden tripe that follows the formula of every movie (they come out once a year) about a tough love principle who moves into the inner city school and turns things around by not giving up on 'these kids'.

I remember my first high school English teacher. She was old and mean, like a cartoon stereotype of an English teacher. She would swear at us, but in old timey language - Tough Banookies!

That was Mrs. Kimball. It is a wonder after that experience I went on to get a degree in English. Maybe I had a soft spot for the old bat.

nah, that wasn't it.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Lono said...

In my defense > three points

firstly - shut up. That was a funny review. My satire borders genius.

Furthermore, I should note the I watched the movie on demand, so I didn't have the back of the box to read. The story wasn't set up for me at all.

but now a question - you went to a rich and white high school (as did I) - so where does this inner city trouble black youth storyline come in?

11:10 AM  
Blogger Grainger said...

first off...if you thought it was a satyrical review..YOU WAY MISSED THE BOAT. Second, Mrs. Kimball was your 8th grade teacher and she NEVER use profanity, third the character was based in reality, the story of how it was made into what it is was incredible, fourtg if you need to read the box top of a movie you called simple, you are a moron, fourth, you are ugly!

11:29 AM  
Blogger Grainger said...

btw: The double use of "fourth" was highly satyrical...

12:22 PM  
Blogger Lono said...

When I said Mrs. Kimball swore, I meant she swore in her old timey way... 'Tough Banookies'. That, to her, was swearing.

I forgot you were having a literal contest. I guess you won that.

The reason the box top would have been useful is that if I knew the story was based on true... I might not have thought it was so dumb.

Did I mention how unbelievably great my 'Akeela and the Bee' piece was? I think I should write to Universal, so they can put that on the back of the DVD.

Long story short, I await your apology. After that, you can work on your spelling of 'satire'. Did you buy stock in the letter 'Y' or something?

Of course, I have been on pain killers for the last week since knee surgery. So, there is an outside possibility none of this is funny.

That being the case, I strongly encourage you to take as many percoset as I just did... because I am hilarious over here.

4:01 PM  

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