Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Tuesday, November 7

America Speaks: ray responds

Dear Amerika,

Ensconced in my ultra comfortable lair and sitting high above all of you, I offer you simply this: A vote for me is a vote for someone with a head of hair. A vote for me is a vote for an ironed garment and striking a blow against microwaved frozen dinners eaten in darkness in the breakroom.

Many of my challengers, also known as lesser ticket choices, have complained that I don't do their blogging for them. They want to live in a land where all that is presented in a browser is prepared by others but claimed by themselves. Where is the pioneer spirit that makes this country great when entire blogs are outsorced, sending all those words, tags and ideas oversees for small little Asian children to type out? It is important when suggesting change to realize that when you change for simple sake of change, you often end up with socks that don't match.

Expensive pets, certainly. Do I prop my pets on a pedestal? Certainly, my cat lives on a pedestal, upholstered and prominent in my livingroom. It makes the cat sleepy and comfy. I ask you voters if you are ready for a world of miserable cats. I don't and I will fight, as I have fought throughout my career, to keep cats comfy and sleepy. It was recently revealed, in a cheap shot by my challenger, that I allow dogs to sit on a coffee table. Fine. Sure enough. Certain well trained and adorable pets trust me and love me and have positioned themselves so that they can always stare at me lovingly. I think it is adorable. Amerika would be a better place with adorable pets.

Summing up, I am smarter than you. I don't outsource my blog or tough decisions. I have adorable pets that are spoiled. I only burned part of the kitchen in an odd fluke and as I have repeated to unheard audiences for years, the smoke damage looks much worse than it is.

Go Broncos.


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