attention guys

This is not a beard. This is an abomination of the man-child. Seriously, this says 'dirtball' like no other. It is worse than the pube stash. Why aren't you growing a beard? I mean, a real one? One like this. Anything less looks like a child molester who beats his girlfriend.

I can only imagine maybe you can't grow a good beard. That is ok, bro... neither can I. I could not shave for a year and look about as tough as David Spade. So do I grow the molester thin beard? God no! I understand a good beard is not my lot in life, so I stay beard free.

Or is it that you think it makes you look older? Remember how in high school you grew that mustache and then the goatee in college? It was cool then, briefly. It helped you buy beer, and that was cool. Now, you look like a 30 year old guy with the pube beard of a 20 year old. Not cool. Either commit to a full beard, or shave that thing, young Prince.

Is it Prince? Can he be blamed for this? Listen, we all like Prince. However, do not emulate him. He is a four foot tall twice divorced Jehovah's Witness who lives in Minnesota. Clearly, this isn't the life choice route you are looking for. On behalf of all men, I will speak to Prince personally. However, you still have to shave that thing off today.